Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Celebrating not two but three births in London

I am notoriously a planner. I obsessively plan things. It is not a want or a desire but a burning need that if left unfulfilled puts me into a mild panic attack. OK it might not be that bad but my family can attest to my need for order. I have a budget each month that I update every time I make a purchase, I planned out my month long trip to Europe down to the last plane, train, and hotel. Oh, except for the last one... where we got robbed… so I can say that experience is on my side.

Now my need to plan often clashes with my sisters need to be unencumbered and live in the moment. As I mentioned in this post it one time coalesced into a huge argument on the streets of Dublin. Luckily in the years since that post she has learned to cope with my need to be “a mom” and I have learned to sometimes let Katie (and now John) do their own thing and follow along. This is how I recently ended up in my skivvies on the banks of the Yadkin River in NC at 3 am one morning trying to swing off of a rope swing into swiftly moving swollen flood water. I had memories of Bridge to Terebithia running through my head during that “adventure”. But that is a story for another time.

So needless to say when it came to planning to celebrate Katie’s birthday (and to some extent mine) when we met up in London after my audit in India, I had the who’s, whats, and whys nailed down. Well almost. I had decided to see a play, that we would spend some time at the very touristy Ice Bar, and the next day maybe have high tea at some posh restaurant. That is until about 3 PM on an Indian afternoon when I realized that while my gift to Katie would have been fun and she would enjoy it, it wasn't the best I could do. So for her birthday I got her nothing.

That is right, nothing.

A big ol’ bag of zip.

Or really you could say I gave her a basket of opportunity. Or rather a purse of opportunity. I managed to find a small clutch in India for Katie’s birthday (funnily enough I got a great clutch from her as a bday present as well). I filled it with different activities we could do and she could pass or do any of them. There were things like “ride any of the tubes for 15 minutes, get off that stop and wonder around” or “Go into the first Irish bar you see, talk to the third person to say hi, make friends” or “sing God Bless America in front of the Buckingham Palace guards followed by God save the Queen” (we don’t want to mean). Of course being the non free spirit that I am I had to get ideas from some people but I think that is OK. And of course there were blank slips in there where Katie could come up with anything she wanted to do.

The only thing I had planned was the hotel because as I said experience in that area had indicated that no planning meant getting robbed. But other than that it was up to her what we would do, where we would go, how we would get there, and how long we would do it. Heck I didn't even ask her what time we would be going to Oxford. Didn't look at one train schedule. (OK that is a very blatant lie. I checked the train and bus schedule. I couldn't let go of all my habits) I just go along for the Katie ride and she could have free reign of London (although don’t tell the queen that).

The funny thing was that Katie HAD planned out some of the things. And I can’t tell you how grateful I am for that. Sometimes my planning anxiety reared its head, but not much with a plan in place by Katie.

We started off hopping on a bus headed towards we hoped was the south bank. After picking a random stop we hoped to find ourselves at the Old Vic. And we did. We saw a play called "The sweet bird of Youth" and to be honest it was a Gatsby-esque play so not a very happy one. With the exception of Kim Cattrall, the acting was very good and the story interesting if a bit slow. 

20130724-164711.jpg 

20130724-164737.jpgBefore hand we managed to find what was purported to be the only "real" mexican food in London but we were a bit disappointed. But with drinks and Nachos you can never go wrong.

 


The next day we braved oxford street shopping in the middle of high tourist season followed by a walk through Hyde park which took longer and was hotter than expecting. It was great but we had to stop at TK (yes K) Maxx and buy some fashionable London dresses. We made our way to the Victoria and Albert Museum where we had the best lunch. I dk if it was because it actually is the best spot or if we loved it because we got to cool down and enjoy people watching but we LOVED our impromptu mid afternoon locale.




Then we headed of to Harrods. Surprisingly Katie had not yet been there yet. For the next half hour I heard more than once "NO ONE TOLD ME IT IS LIKE A SHOPPING DISNEY LAND". We found the fake snow, the harry potter display, and Katie ran into some of her students from Oxford.







That night, Katie was gracious enough to let me go to the ice bar or as she puts it "Paying £12 to lock yourself in a freezer for 45 minutes". It was a rediculous waste of money but now I can say that I did it. And to be honest, I had fun making fun of ourselves. Giggling with Katie in sub 0 temperatures was worth it.


 We ended off the night with Katie's "one true birthday wish" - Sheesha.


We ended our stay in London with the announcement that Kate Middleton was in Labor in the hospital a 5 minute walk from our hotel. I didn't really want to go but at my sisters enthusiasm and insistence we trekked the 7 block walk to St Mary's Hospital. There we were interviewed by the NYT, a french newspaper, and had a radio interview with the BBC on why Americans were interested in the Royal Family and the birth of a Royal Baby.  After that, I couldn't deny that going to the hospital was a bad idea.




BBC requesting an Interview

After we visited the Hospital we were off to Oxford. I had a great time in London and I can't wait to go back when Katie is there again in the spring!



I think that it had been the best joint birthday party we have ever had, if you don’t count the Pocahontas party. 

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The dating woman in 21st century America

Well I fully intended my next post to be an update about India and visiting my sister in London/Oxford and I promise that is coming. And in all honesty I was going to go to bed but I think that some truth needs to be shed on something that maybe we overlook in the day to day.

Let me first say that I am truly truly blessed to live in this day and age. I live in a country that with religious freedom (although sometimes the denigration of Christian is becoming more and more apparent), I live in a world where I can say what I feel, be what I want, and do what I want. Which is more than many women have around the world but I don't want those around me to forget that sometimes our culture is so "forward thinking" that we go backwards.

Before I left for India I heard the song Blurred Lines. I loved it. It had a great beat and a catchy tune. Two days ago I heard the lyrics. Today I saw the official music video and I am ashamed that this is something that I danced to.

In case you don't know, Blurred Lines is a song sung by Robin Thicke featuring well known rappers T.I. and producer Pharrell Williams. Now I have to admit that in listening to the lyrics they don't seem all that bad. Only one line really stuck out to me as grossly inappropriate but that didn't put me off. But after watching the music video, which was intended to be a "tongue in cheek" video mocking the current rap industry I have to say that they stepped out of line. In this topless women in thongs are dancing around fully clothed men. Sad to say that this is not unusual when it comes to music videos but what really got me was a teeny tiny stop sign on a woman's rear end. At this point when in conjunction with some of the lyrics from the song I got the strong impression that they were completely ignoring something that has been bothering me lately about our country. The idea that no does not always mean no. But hey it's ok cause Robin Thicke has a wife and kids. That makes it ok to hold women to such a low standard socially and a high standard physically (seriously all those girls were a size 0 with huge [fake] breasts).

We have been making ridiculous strides in our country over the past 50-60 years. Women no longer have to work from home, they can be the breadwinners, we have women lawyers, judges, congressmen, and senators. These are amazing feats and we should celebrate them but we still have a long way to go. We are honored for our brains not just our beauty. Or sometimes we are. In some areas we are. But sometimes in very big ways, we are not.

Take for example the popular website imgur. Imgur hosts photo sharing in which photos are shared for laughs, to reflect political ideals, religious ideals, to bring awareness, to show off drawings, or just to feel connected. I have an account on this website but many a times I have been told "to get back to the Kitchen" or "Go make me a sandwich" mainly because of my sex. This is regardless of the fact that I have a degree from a top university, make just as much as the men in my department, and that I probably have a firmer grasp of who I am and what I can do for the world that some of the people on that website. Purely by a choice of an X or a Y I am relegated to serving food. Let me say clearly - SCREW THAT.

I have chosen for myself what I am going to be in life. Right now I am a late 20s world traveler. If you took the number of cities and countries and states that I have been to and added them together that number might be higher than the number of miles some people have been from their house. Maybe later I might be a mom, even more I might be a stay at home mom but that is a choice I will make WITH my husband when the time is right. It will not be defined by the gender that I was born.

Sadly not all my choices get to be my own. When going on a date, I take extra precautions. If I am lucky I might have known the guy for a while. More likely than not, a friend has vouched for him. But as this limits the number of dates I would go on and possibly the number of amazing people I would meet sometimes the inevitable date with someone you might not know all that well is... well... inevitable.  In this scenario, as a woman I might take precautions that men don't have to. I tell my roommates the guy's name, where we are going, how I met him, a time they can expect me home, and maybe his cell number. In case, you know the Morgan from the BAU needs to rescue me. The truly sad thing is that I do not find this weird. It is something I have done since I started dating. This is the norm.

On dates, I have to be clear and upfront from the beginning what the expectations are. Most times guys understand and if all they are looking for is sex, we part amicably. Sometimes, they don't get that my saying "it is late, I am going home" IS my final response. I had one guy ask me three times in the space of 5 minutes to go back to his place with him. The first round of denial was not accepted as the final answer. When it became clear that my intention really was to end the night by taking a taxi home I was called a bitch and a tease. Oh not to my face. No, it was under his breath. Asshat. The truth is that these guys are not common in my life but even once is too many times.

Now not all guys are dangerous, heck 90% of them are really genuinely amazing and nice guys. I am proud to say that I know a lot of these guys. But the chance that one isn't a great guy is too great of a chance to take with my safety. The numbers are staggering. Even when a rape is reported, which is an astonishingly low percentage (estimated at around 45%), only 12% result in arrest, 9 % are taken to trial and only about 3% of rapists will see a day in jail. (all stats from RAINN).

This need to protect myself won't ever really go away. I will always be physically weaker than most men but when songs have lyrics in it like "I know You want it" and "I know you're an animal, it's in your nature. Just let me liberate 'cha" (but hey it's ok cause normally he respects woman and can prove it because he is married) it makes me feel like this ideal is being perpetuated instead of halted in it's tracks. That we are making the world more dangerous instead of trying to make it safer.


Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Paradise

So this past weekend I got to spend 3 amazing days in the Maldives. For those of you who don't know the Maldives is a group of Atolls (circles of Islands) that is basically paradise on earth. The Maldives boasts something like 120 islands. None of them are longer than 5 miles and many are way smaller than that.


We stayed on a resort island own by the Sheraton. It was amazing. When we arrived they had a tiny yacht waiting to take us to the Island. On the way the dolphins played in the boat wake, which apparently is a rare treat. The beauty of the islands was stunning. The water was so clear and the beaches were so white.


After settling into our rooms we all went to the beach. Unfortunately the first day was a bit overcast but we didn't care. But favor smiled upon us cause the rest of the weekend was gorgeous. 





On Saturday I went scuba diving for the first time ever. It was a truly amazing experience. Four of us went to have our introductory session. We had an intro video on hand signals and how to continuously breathe otherwise our lungs would explode. And got fitted with out gear. Wearing 4 weights on a belt, a heavy tank, and all those tubes I couldn't see how I wouldn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean. But it turns out that a body is pretty buoyant. 

Unfortunately two of our group couldn't equalize (It's like popping your ears on the plane. It releases internal air pressure and you can't dive without it. It would be like trying to continuously get the rings on the bottom of a 12' foot deep swimming pool). It was down to just my manager and myself. On our training dive to get us acclimated to the experience and proper technique we saw manta rays and eagle rays and plenty of fish. We we only underwater for about 20 minutes but I was hooked. We scheduled our first dive for early afternoon. I was so excited to get to see reef life.


The actual dive was amazing. Our max depth was 11.5 meters or around 40 feet. I think the most surprising thing is that you don't realize how deep you are until you look up. We saw a reef shark, moray eels, a napoleon fish, an octopus, and a ton of fish.
Napoleon fish - That isn't me but I needed a person to show size

The best thing happened at the end. I had another 20 minutes of swimming air but my swimming buddy/manager had run out of his swimming air and needed to ascend. We needed to stop at 5 meters depth and wait for three minutes to allow our bodies to adjust to the new pressure. Our dive instructor was looking at his watch and I was looking at the sea life below. My manager kept on trying to get my attention but I wanted to see all that I could before we surfaced. I finally turned to see what he wanted me to see. There was a wall of silver blue fish extending from the surface to the top of the reef. It had formed a half circle around us. It was one of the most gorgeous things I have ever seen. if we had still been on our dive we would have missed it because it was above us. Suddenly I wasn't angry that we had to surface sooner than I wanted.

Our last day the sun came out and the view was even more breath taking. We tried to get as much sun and sand in before we had to leave that afternoon. It was an amazing weekend and I can't wait to go back (although to a cheaper resort).

It only got this crystal clear and blue on the last day

View from my room



Tuesday, July 2, 2013

India week 2

There are so many things to talk about that I don't know where to start. Should I focus on India? Working with a new team? How I got sick this past weekend? Maybe I will skip the last one.

India has finally decided to show me what monsoon season is. Contrary to popular opinion formed by the movie Jumangi, Monsoon is not a long thunderstorm that lasts days. In fact it is quite the opposite. It is heavy intense rains that start suddenly and end just as suddenly and there is definitely not enough rain in those 3 - 4 minutes to cause a house to fill with water (sorry Interscope) and no lightning or thunder. There isn't enough time.I have learned to recognize when a storm is about to hit. The winds pick up dramatically and you can see the clouds grow darker rapidly. Here are two pictures I took at the resort we were at last weekend. If I could show you the time stamp you could see that they are about 2 minutes apart.




Not gonna happen
This quick occurrence of rain is a major pain in the ass. One minute you are enjoy your weekend in the pool and then you feel the difference in the air as the humidity rapidly rises. Twice I had to jump out and run for my nook and purse on the deck and book it to the relative dryness of the hotel terrace. Another time a coworker and I were looking at souvenirs from some locals on the beach and had to run back the half mile to the hotel, sure we were going to get soaked. Unfortunately we had not paid them for their goods yet and waited for us patiently on the beach while we exchanged some of our currency at the hotel. Fortunately it was one of the few times the rains didn't open a can of whoop ass on us and they remained dry. Below is a picture of the two very nice woman and a very pushy woman (far right) who let us try on their Saris. We didn't end up buying any of them.


All in all it was a great weekend. But now I have to get back to doing actual work. I leave you with a picture of me in the Indian Ocean. Unfortunately I didn't realize at the time that I was back lit. Oh well I will take what I can get.