Kinder Gentler Jessie

When I was growing up I had a soft shell. Everything that even remotely could be considered a dig (even if it was playful ribbing) was taken as a insult or demeaning. It didn't help that in my small middle school there was a popular crowd and the very UNpopular crowd (you can guess which one I was in. Hint: not the first group). I wanted desperately to fit in and I couldn't manage it. I was (and still am) socially awkward  To protect myself against hurt I tried to create a tough outer shell and biting attitude. The attitude, ironically, only got worse around the people who loved me the most.

Luckily I have wonderful parents that understood what was going on. Instead of berating me for what I can only assume was an over reaction to everything, they would lovingly tell me "Kinder Gentler Jessie". I remember my parents telling me that they loved me for who I was and that they were sad that I was hiding behind a tough exterior. They showed me that although the world is tough and sometimes hurts that I didn't have to be like it. I could continue being who I was. Every time I was sharp and had a mean edge my parents would quietly say "Kinder Gentler Jessie".

This lesson still applies in my life today. Although I feel I grew up and let go of most of the hurt from the past, sometimes the actions I learned long ago still assert themselves. One particular Friday I was having a really rough day. Work wasn't going well, I was frustrated, and I didn't feel like the situation was going to be better. The fact that the weekend was hours away did not make this feeling any less. In fact, it felt worse because the week was over and I felt like nothing had been accomplished from Monday, that I had just been a spinning cog in a wheel. I was talking to a close friend of mine and was taking out my frustration and presenting a hard front which resulted in me needlessly harsh and judgemental. The response was quick "I don't think I like Friday Jess."

In a flash I was back in my kitchen hearing my mom's voice saying "You need to be a kinder and gentler Jessie". I apologized to my friend and tried to remember that I do not have to be a reflection of my situation.

Proves that sometimes a lesson is never fully learned

One down - 3 to go!

I JUST PAID OFF ONE OF MY STUDENT LOANS!!!

Every paycheck I have gotten for the past three years has had $50 taken out of it and used in an Employee Stock Purchasing Plan (or an ESPP). Once I started the Total Money Makeover (TMMO), I stopped contributing to that plan and decided to sell what stock I could (you have to hold it for 60ish days in my company before you can sell stock that you purchased) and use that to pay some of my student debt. I was planning on doing that in April 2013 anyway because I would have had enough in the account to pay of my largest student loan.

I guess I should explain something about why I was putting the money into an ESPP instead of paying directly against the principal. A) AES SUCKS... that is American Education Services. If you are thinking about getting a loan through them... just don't. When I first graduated college and was working at Applebees I wanted to pay down the principal of my loan therefore reducing the time it would take for me to pay off the loan AND reduce the amount of interest (aka extra money) that I would be paying them over the life of the loans. This is was a LOOONG  drawn out conversation with them with people who didn't understand loans or lending. One lady even said that I couldn't pay against the principal. Ummmmm no. It's law that I can and it would be stupid to say that I can't anyway. You are getting your money back FASTER!! Finally after multiple phone calls over a two month period I gave up and decided just to save it up and pay a loan all at once.

Worst company ever!!! Except for comcast

Which brings me to B) I get 15% extra from my company to buy my company's stock. So say I want to put in $100 to buy some stock. Technically they give me a discount and make the stock worth 15% less but in reality I am still wanting to buy $100 of my stock so they throw an extra $15 on there and I end up owning $115 worth of TE stock. So the extra 15% is greater than my interest rate on the loans but in the end it probably all evens out because of stock market fluctuations.

Under the TMMO, it is suggested that you pay off the smallest loans first that way you see results faster. Then you take the amount you were putting towards that loan (both the minimum and whatever else you were paying) and put it towards the next biggest loan. Then when that loan is paid off you put whatever you were paying to the two smallest loans to the next smallest and so on and so forth.

Anyway I sold my ESPP shares and got back a HUGE check (at least, huge by my standards). I paid of the second smallest student loan because it had the higher interest rate. And put almost a third of the check into savings to go towards paying off the smallest loan. I am hoping that with the money I have already saved up, the portion of the ESPP I have saved, along with future savings I will be able to pay off the second smallest loan in about 3 months :D. And that isn't even considering the money I save on groceries and gas when I am on audit. :D

ONE DOWN THREE MORE LEFT TO GO!!!!