Redefining the past

A lot of people I know want to go back to the "good ole days",whether it be bringing 90's nickelodeon back, bringing the 60's hippie culture back, or returning to the days where the press reported only facts. People are passionate about a time when life seemed simpler. There are Facebook groups dedicated to each of these ideals. In theory, this is a good thing but the practicality of it may not be.

The human race has a whole host of biases that go into each and every moment of the day. There are judgement biases, media bias, belief bias, social bias, the list goes on and on. One bias in particular is a memory bias called Rosy Retrospective. In this bias, the events of the past are seen favorably, meaning we forget the bad and embrace that which was good.

Recalling a memory accurately is harder to do as time passes, unless you relive that memory frequently. Each time a memory is relived you imprint that memory onto new cells (if I understand the science correctly, I might not... Medical journals go over my head) which are easier to "access" later. If you alter something in this memory and then recall that memory with the same alteration, the original memory will still be harder to recall. When we choose to remember the good and not the bad, we are making the good easier to remember. This is a mechanism of self preservation. If we remembered how hard it was in the past and all you see ahead of you is the same hardship would you continue on?

You can even have rosy retrospective about something you did not live. The best example of this is viewing kindly America's past. We look back at our founding fathers and say "that was a good time". We remember discovering a new land, the signing of the declaration of independence, we remember how we stood up and joined in WWII, we remember the 50's and the simplicity of life that was presented to us in our history books. We forget that to claim the "new land" we forced many people out of the homes, killed entire nations, and brought infectious disease. We often forget that when the founding fathers wrote the declaration of independence we owned slaves. We forget that we didn't join WWII until we were attacked at Pearl harbor and the war had been going on for years before we joined. We forget that in the 50's it was unthinkable for a woman who wanted to be a mom to also work outside the home and divorcees were shunned from "respectable" women.

The issues that we are discussing today are not any different than those in the past. We have come very far but we have a long way to go. Gun laws have been debated in the past and they will continue to be debated as long as they are used to kill and since that is the intention of the gun (whether for humans or animals) the issue of the gun laws will never go away. They may abate for a time but they will not be resolved. The issue of abortion will not go away. Until the entire world believes in one thing there will be abortions, legal or otherwise. Until everyone has a job unemployment, welfare, and any social assistance will be debated. They were debated in the past and they will be debated in the future.

The best that we can hope for is to look to the past honestly and determine where we went wrong and where we should go from there. This means removing the rose colored glasses, taking a cool sip of water, and being honest with ourselves as a collective. Then maybe once and for all we can admit that Clarissa Explains It All had horrible acting and that Ice Ice Baby is on par with Baby Baby Baby (oohh!!).

Volunteering and my involvement with Kiva

“At the end of life we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made, how many great things we have done. We will be judged by ‘I was hungry and you gave me to eat, I was naked and you clothed me, I was homeless and you took me in.’ Hungry not only for bread — but hungry for love. Naked not only for clothing — but naked for human dignity and respect. Homeless not only for want of a room of bricks — but homeless because of rejection.” ~ Mother Teresa


In high school and college I was involved in volunteerism. Either through school activities, church, or my honors fraternity I have always managed to contribute back to society in some way other than physical. I love being able to lend a helping hand. But since I have been in Audit I have found it hard to get involved in a program where I can give back. The programs run by my church are either during the weekday (meals on wheels) or the one off activities are while I am on Audit. I looked into volunteering at a retirement home/nursing home but they want people to come in for at least 3 weeks straight so that the residents are constantly faced with strangers walking around the building that is their home.

Currently to abate my desire to change the world, I donate to Kiva. Kiva is a microfinance organization where you lend small amounts of money to help fund small loans to those in developing countries help improve their lives. These loans are used to start business, expand businesses, help someone go to college, or improve the quality of the village (building a well). Just for those of you who are wondering Charity Navigator gave Kiva a 66.78/70 rating. You can view their remarks here. For comparison purposes Compassion International (which is not micro financing but a program to support children in third world countries) got a 65.27. 

I know that there has got to be a program somewhere that I can volunteer on the weekends that I am home but even then I do not feel as if I would be connected to that community. Hopefully I can find a place where I can help improve the lives of others, be able to go on audit, and still feel connected. Until then I will change the world one loan at a time.

PS You can find more about kiva on their website www.kiva.org if you want to lend. I lend around $25 a month. I have a total of around $400 lent out. If don't I contribute any more I can relend to two loans each month if I keep the loan repayment in between 6 - 10 months.

I am from

I am from long car rides and self entertainment

I am from backyard swings and kick the can and cowboys and Indians

from small fights and large apologies.

from three... surprise! four which completes.


I am from a hand me down car that shows a grandfathers unspoken but felt love

from homemade dinners, and she crab soup, and well worn paths to ice cream.

from a dock, a beach, and bike rides.

I am from dutch blitz and outdoor crafts.


From bear hunting and hidden art.

From sprinklers, dominoes, pinball machines, and ping pong

I am from fire ants, cow pastures, and lost wondering in the wood.

I am from first to hug, arm chair, scuppernong, and a dinner bell



I am from a roaring lion that bleeds blue and white

from dinner at west and undercooked cookies

from sleeping in the library chairs and Purple and Gold Pins with greek letters

from friends that are roommates.


I am from an offer in a downturn

I am from sister trips on a foreign continent

I am from airplanes and tests and expense reports.



I am based from a fought for marriage

from she proposed to me

from because I didn't want anyone else to have him


I am from a mercy never ceasing

a passion never abating

a love unconditionally given

Mema's Table

It has been almost a week since I left the quiet sleepy town of Elberton, GA where my grandparents live. I am back at a desk with a ringing phone, a worn out calculator (ok it is fairly new), and my trusty laptop and I am missing my grandmother's kitchen table.

This may seem weird but to anyone who has ever been to my grandparents house would understand. It is the  central location of the family. Meals are eaten with laughter, elbows in other people's faces, fighting over plate space, and the remainder of the last baker sweet tea. This is also where we play our card games. Spades are played with humor and a need for a win. Victors are crowned and the defeated slink off while the reigning champs (Whitney and I) take on the long standing duo of my Aunt Jan and Aunt Jill. Hearts are played where Judge tries to shoot the moon every time and fails. Katie and Kristen watch Grey's Anatomy. Dad puts the finishing touches on the Christmas Card mailing list and Deda shows us grandkids how he uses facebook and his new wireless printer (he's pretty technologically savvy for an 83 Year old.) When I was younger we used to all get together and play dominoes. I can still hear my family's voices yelling "Heyy Y'all! It's my time!" (for my northern friends that translates as "Hey Guys! Stop it! It's my turn to play").

The table has seen us grow up. Has been damaged and repaired. Dirtied and cleaned. And I can't even count the number of pies, cakes, and desserts that have been eaten upon it, not mention the gallons and gallons of sweet tea. The dogs of years past and present have hid under and around it when they finally find a way to sneak past Mema's well fortified door into the house.

This table, though only piece of well made furniture, has seen the generations gather around it as a family. I can not imagine the stories it could tell.

I am yet again on another audit. My tables are hotel desks and I am away from even the surrogate family of roommates and friends. I can't help but think one thing...

Vacation was too damn short.

Looking back at 2012

Inspired by the wonderful blog posts by my sister, Katie, and the wonderful Allison Lebo, I have decided to look back at 2012.

This year I:

Went to two different Continents that I had never been to before

Visited 6 States I have never been to before.

Saw five amazing couples get married. I was a bridesmaid for the first time in Lauren Bixler's wedding and now I can't wait to meet her new son CJ. Two of these weddings required me to come from or go to another continent right before or after (sometimes both).

I got my second tattoo on my hip with my sister on the Vegas Strip to which many of her friend's exclaimed "The BAKERS got tattoos?!?!"

I started a Blog, which I thought was only for English majors who could write, but learned it was all about being vulnerable to strangers and a patience for the editing process.

I moved in with some of my best friends and we have fought, argued, laughed hysterically, cooked, and lived together in a way that I hadn't experienced since college. We have endured the process of painting rooms, hanging decorations, melding styles, paying bills, and painfully putting up a blue spruce in our living room.

I went on a date where I knew it was a date and could appreciate the manner in which I was asked out even if it didn't work out in the end.

I reconnected with old friends, made a few new ones, lost a couple on the road of life, and are still quite unsure where I stand with a few others.

Jumped into a freezing  river for the second year in a row and still couldn't get the courage to dunk my head under water.

I made taking CPA exams a hobby. I passed one and failed five others. I learned that I am a tortoise and not a hare. It's going to take me a bit to get this done but I am not discouraged..... yet.

I have paid off two student loans, gone on a cruise with my grandparents and mom, bought my fourth comforter in three years, and have still yet to complete any fitness regimen I start.

I have written bad poetry, read amazing books, saw movies that moved my soul, and read bible passages that lifted my heart.

My family seems farther away physically than ever before but it has made me appreciate my time with them. I would rather play two games of hearts laughing hysterically with John, Dad, Mom, and Judge than to study for an hour. I can always pass an exam but those moments are fleeting.

2012 has been very generous with me. Although there have been stories that make your hair curl and heartache and frustrations, the blessings I have been given far outweigh every thing else.

Here's to the old and I can not wait to meet the new.

Doing right in the face of oppression

For a while now I have loved reading dystopian novels. Mainly because it deals with a brave individual who fights for what is right despite opposition and oppression. The Hunger Games, Matched Series, The Uglies series, etc. I love the story of those who realize that their world isn't all that they want it to be and fight for a change. I love even more the Uglies series in which all the main character wants to do is fit in and yet is constantly challenged with the fact that "fitting in" would result in giving up an integral part of herself.

This Christmas I finally saw Lincoln. There were two things that hit me very hard in this movie that I hope I remember forever 1) war is personal. Maybe if we still fought hand to hand, had to see every face inches from your own when we killed, we would not be so eager to jump into the fray. I am sure those who have been in combat can attest to the horrors but that is another topic for another post. The second thing I realized was 2) Lincoln had a very very hard job to do and sometimes we forget that to some this was not seen an obvious wrong that needed to be righted. Half of the country was opposed, some of them within Lincoln's own party.

We live with the fact that the Northern States won over the Southern Confederation every day. You might not know it but each morning we wake up, 50 states undivided, and continue with our lives. Growing up I had an interracial couple for my backdoor neighbors. We played with their kids, got pushed on the swings by their grandfather affectionately known as Grandpa Joe to the neighborhood kids, and really none of this seemed out of place. How can you think that something is unique if it is the only thing that you have ever known. I didn't realize then and I am just realizing now the enormity of what has been accomplished.

I only have the movie to go on (which probably had some dramatizing involved so I apologize for any inaccuracies) but Lincoln pushed through the 13th Amendment with the threat (yes threat) of peace over his head. Lincoln used the civil war as leverage to push that in the eyes of the law ALL men are created equal. Now we won't get into Jim Crow laws or the following struggle to have this amendment reflected in society (and the racism that is still evident in parts of our country) but this is amazing. The first time the constitution mentions slavery is to reflect that it was illegal.

In the books I read there are obvious sides. In life this is not the case. President Lincoln was a leader of a great Nation and he was fighting even those within his own party to right the wrong. The main characters in the book only have to fight those that would oppress them. Lincoln, by what I saw in the movie, could have made peace ended the war, demanded surrender terms, and maintained his good standing with those who trusted him to act in their stead. Instead he fought for those that had no voice. He pushed off ending the war, killing many more men, to ensure that we could move forward as a Nation that would not have slavery.

With hindsight there are clear sides to this issue but those same people who stood on either side of this issue also stood next to their oppositions on other issues. This has always been the case and will continue to be the case in the future. Issues do not stand alone in a vacuum. I wish they did. But I have come to realize that nothing will be as clear cut as it is in the books. Changing one thing changes the whole. This is hardly addressed in these books because the clean up after the change is almost as hard as the change itself. America can attest to that.

 Looking back I can applaud Lincoln for what he did, how could I not? But what if my son, brother, father, or husband died in that last battle while he pushed off peace? What if I lost my home, living, family, or life in the pursuit of it? Would I applaud? I don't know. I would like to think that I would have said it was worth it. That the price I and others had to pay was worth what was gained. What if I fought for the other side? What if I thought that the southern economy would not survive? If I had to pay such a great price and still at the end of the war, lose the world that I had known, would I have applauded even if I opposed slavery?

I can't answer these questions. I have never been challenged in such a way. Maybe I read those books to be more like the heroes and heroines. So that if the time comes when I need to pay the price I can look back and say it was worth it.

The Baker family Christmas Letter

Every year that I can remember (except for the first two years my parents moved down to Winston-Salem) my dad has, with great joy, patience, and a lot of frustration about margins and page lengths, issued the annual Baker Christmas letter.

I don't know when the tradition started or when it turned into a list of funny happenings from our family but it became a "thing". Frequently at church one of my friends would run up and tell me that they had gotten the Christmas letter. This was, unfortunately, followed up by a recitation of one of my embarrassing moments of the year. Luckily, my dad has always been sensitive to what is being sent out in the letter so he always let us read, and remove, any stories that we deemed "too embarrassing".

The most frustrating part of the Christmas letter is getting a call, text AND email from my dad on December 20th asking me "What are some stories from the past year?" My faulty memory, never stellar to begin with, blanks at the demand for a memory. If someone says quick what is your favorite memory about X all I end up thinking is "Craaaapppp why don't I have any memories about that?!". The pressure is suddenly on not only to remember funny things that have happened to you, your siblings, parents or extended family, but they also have to be funny and witty enough to warrant an inch or two of sacred letter space.

Our present last year which was a 

print out of all the letters since 1993

The second most frustrating and yet fondly remembered time is the actual mailing of the letter. In the past we would include with the letter: 1) matching cards - hand signed by each of us and 2) a picture of us from Walmart (the portrait kind where we are wearing matching sweaters) or a copy of a picture of us with Santa (disregarding the fact that you are 16 and, lets face, waaayyy to cool for all your friends to know that your mom still makes you sit on santa's lap). We would have a production line of all the kids plus parents, folding the printed out letter, putting it into the card with the picture, stuffing an envelope, licking the envelope closed, and addressing and stamping the envelope (luckily with printed off labels, return addresses, and self stick stamps). Fortunately we have cut it down to just the letter and card signed by one of us on behalf of the family.

This year's letter has been just as I always remembered. Dad working to get stories and then cut those down to bare wittiness so that to make the one page (front and back) requirement. Katie editing the story, Kristen reluctantly accepting that she is the focus of one of the stories, and John being completely chill about the arrangement. O yes, and mom worried about a) when we will stuff the letters b) if we have enough stamps and c) when we will get to mail them (NO POST ON SUNDAYS!).

As a break to writing this post I attempted to assist my dad in making the two page requirement (two sentences too many) and, after three seconds of scrolling, was rudely shooed away to go finish whatever I was doing on the other side of the table.

Dad hard at work after the shooing me away to focus on those

two stubborn lines that refused to make the page the right length

Regardless of the fact that the letter is some what of a pain, I can freely admit that it wouldn't be christmas without it. Christmas would be just a little bit less sentimental without the craziness of the letter. In fact, last year we received a book of all the letters we have sent out and it was a great way to remember all the memories I often forget about. Also, I would hate to disappoint those avid fans of my dad's yearly reflective prose. 

Now I must go. My dad is whimpering and calling for me to assist him with holding the letter up to the light.... don't ask.

Merry Christmas!!!