How can I reconcile faith beliefs to social beliefs

Over the past few years, but particularly over the past few months, I have been struggling to reconcile my faith to what I believe should happen on a social level. This may sound weird to you but I believe a lot of people in my generation and younger have the same questions and are seeking answers. And to be honest I have not found anything satisfactory.

Take for example homosexuality. I do believe that homosexuality is a sin (as is lying, committing adultery, cursing). But do I believe that I have the right to force that belief on others? Not at all. But then how do I reconcile myself to both of these stances in the current culture. Especially when it comes to voting whether or not Gay Marriages should be legal? I can not vote for it because that is lending my vote to something I believe separates man from God. But my vote against is imposing my beliefs on other people. Our country is for religious freedom, and I am very much in support of that. I would be very upset if I was told that I could no longer eat the fantasticalness that is Bacon because Jewish Text says that this is unclean and sinful. I don't believe that it will hurt my relationship with God and even if we all got it wrong and that amazing delight is in fact a huge pork filled sin, then I know my God is merciful and will forgive me.

Additionally, my words have no merit to those I could impact. Why should my beliefs be thrust into their face? Who am I to them to have my words hold power over them?

Finally, saying they can't get married isn't going to change how they behave. But is allowing marriage condoning the behavior already committed?

I have a feeling that I will forever walk in circles in my head over this. In the end I don't know what I can say, other than "I believe that it is wrong but I can not in good conscience force this belief on anyone."

Guess this is one of those things I am going to have when I sit at Gods feet




side note: I do not in any form believe that being a homosexual prevents anyone from going to heaven. We ALL fall short. We ALL go to hell except by the grace of God. Any and all sins were wiped away in his blood for those that believe. I sin and will continually do so because I am fallen. I am only redeemed in Christ.

I am from

I am from long car rides and self entertainment

I am from backyard swings and kick the can and cowboys and Indians

from small fights and large apologies.

from three... surprise! four which completes.


I am from a hand me down car that shows a grandfathers unspoken but felt love

from homemade dinners, and she crab soup, and well worn paths to ice cream.

from a dock, a beach, and bike rides.

I am from dutch blitz and outdoor crafts.


From bear hunting and hidden art.

From sprinklers, dominoes, pinball machines, and ping pong

I am from fire ants, cow pastures, and lost wondering in the wood.

I am from first to hug, arm chair, scuppernong, and a dinner bell



I am from a roaring lion that bleeds blue and white

from dinner at west and undercooked cookies

from sleeping in the library chairs and Purple and Gold Pins with greek letters

from friends that are roommates.


I am from an offer in a downturn

I am from sister trips on a foreign continent

I am from airplanes and tests and expense reports.



I am based from a fought for marriage

from she proposed to me

from because I didn't want anyone else to have him


I am from a mercy never ceasing

a passion never abating

a love unconditionally given

Looking back at 2012

Inspired by the wonderful blog posts by my sister, Katie, and the wonderful Allison Lebo, I have decided to look back at 2012.

This year I:

Went to two different Continents that I had never been to before

Visited 6 States I have never been to before.

Saw five amazing couples get married. I was a bridesmaid for the first time in Lauren Bixler's wedding and now I can't wait to meet her new son CJ. Two of these weddings required me to come from or go to another continent right before or after (sometimes both).

I got my second tattoo on my hip with my sister on the Vegas Strip to which many of her friend's exclaimed "The BAKERS got tattoos?!?!"

I started a Blog, which I thought was only for English majors who could write, but learned it was all about being vulnerable to strangers and a patience for the editing process.

I moved in with some of my best friends and we have fought, argued, laughed hysterically, cooked, and lived together in a way that I hadn't experienced since college. We have endured the process of painting rooms, hanging decorations, melding styles, paying bills, and painfully putting up a blue spruce in our living room.

I went on a date where I knew it was a date and could appreciate the manner in which I was asked out even if it didn't work out in the end.

I reconnected with old friends, made a few new ones, lost a couple on the road of life, and are still quite unsure where I stand with a few others.

Jumped into a freezing  river for the second year in a row and still couldn't get the courage to dunk my head under water.

I made taking CPA exams a hobby. I passed one and failed five others. I learned that I am a tortoise and not a hare. It's going to take me a bit to get this done but I am not discouraged..... yet.

I have paid off two student loans, gone on a cruise with my grandparents and mom, bought my fourth comforter in three years, and have still yet to complete any fitness regimen I start.

I have written bad poetry, read amazing books, saw movies that moved my soul, and read bible passages that lifted my heart.

My family seems farther away physically than ever before but it has made me appreciate my time with them. I would rather play two games of hearts laughing hysterically with John, Dad, Mom, and Judge than to study for an hour. I can always pass an exam but those moments are fleeting.

2012 has been very generous with me. Although there have been stories that make your hair curl and heartache and frustrations, the blessings I have been given far outweigh every thing else.

Here's to the old and I can not wait to meet the new.

Doing right in the face of oppression

For a while now I have loved reading dystopian novels. Mainly because it deals with a brave individual who fights for what is right despite opposition and oppression. The Hunger Games, Matched Series, The Uglies series, etc. I love the story of those who realize that their world isn't all that they want it to be and fight for a change. I love even more the Uglies series in which all the main character wants to do is fit in and yet is constantly challenged with the fact that "fitting in" would result in giving up an integral part of herself.

This Christmas I finally saw Lincoln. There were two things that hit me very hard in this movie that I hope I remember forever 1) war is personal. Maybe if we still fought hand to hand, had to see every face inches from your own when we killed, we would not be so eager to jump into the fray. I am sure those who have been in combat can attest to the horrors but that is another topic for another post. The second thing I realized was 2) Lincoln had a very very hard job to do and sometimes we forget that to some this was not seen an obvious wrong that needed to be righted. Half of the country was opposed, some of them within Lincoln's own party.

We live with the fact that the Northern States won over the Southern Confederation every day. You might not know it but each morning we wake up, 50 states undivided, and continue with our lives. Growing up I had an interracial couple for my backdoor neighbors. We played with their kids, got pushed on the swings by their grandfather affectionately known as Grandpa Joe to the neighborhood kids, and really none of this seemed out of place. How can you think that something is unique if it is the only thing that you have ever known. I didn't realize then and I am just realizing now the enormity of what has been accomplished.

I only have the movie to go on (which probably had some dramatizing involved so I apologize for any inaccuracies) but Lincoln pushed through the 13th Amendment with the threat (yes threat) of peace over his head. Lincoln used the civil war as leverage to push that in the eyes of the law ALL men are created equal. Now we won't get into Jim Crow laws or the following struggle to have this amendment reflected in society (and the racism that is still evident in parts of our country) but this is amazing. The first time the constitution mentions slavery is to reflect that it was illegal.

In the books I read there are obvious sides. In life this is not the case. President Lincoln was a leader of a great Nation and he was fighting even those within his own party to right the wrong. The main characters in the book only have to fight those that would oppress them. Lincoln, by what I saw in the movie, could have made peace ended the war, demanded surrender terms, and maintained his good standing with those who trusted him to act in their stead. Instead he fought for those that had no voice. He pushed off ending the war, killing many more men, to ensure that we could move forward as a Nation that would not have slavery.

With hindsight there are clear sides to this issue but those same people who stood on either side of this issue also stood next to their oppositions on other issues. This has always been the case and will continue to be the case in the future. Issues do not stand alone in a vacuum. I wish they did. But I have come to realize that nothing will be as clear cut as it is in the books. Changing one thing changes the whole. This is hardly addressed in these books because the clean up after the change is almost as hard as the change itself. America can attest to that.

 Looking back I can applaud Lincoln for what he did, how could I not? But what if my son, brother, father, or husband died in that last battle while he pushed off peace? What if I lost my home, living, family, or life in the pursuit of it? Would I applaud? I don't know. I would like to think that I would have said it was worth it. That the price I and others had to pay was worth what was gained. What if I fought for the other side? What if I thought that the southern economy would not survive? If I had to pay such a great price and still at the end of the war, lose the world that I had known, would I have applauded even if I opposed slavery?

I can't answer these questions. I have never been challenged in such a way. Maybe I read those books to be more like the heroes and heroines. So that if the time comes when I need to pay the price I can look back and say it was worth it.

What I am thankful for

November has always, at least for Americans, been a time where we can reflect on what we have and be thankful. Many people over social media, blogs, and vlogs, have been doing their day to day remembrances and I want to join in the fun. Unfortunately I can't be a daily blogger (sorry) but I can be a  one time blogger so here we go - The 7 things I am most thankful for.

1) My safety. Sandy and then Athena have shown me how blessed I am to have been spared even the mild inconvenience of a power outage. My heart hurts for those that have lost their homes and mementos. I wish I could do more than to send supplies and clothes. 

2) Amazing roommates. I am living with two of my good friends from College. It is great not having to get to know them on a base level. I have lived with Caitlin in the past and while it took some time to get used to it again we have hit our rhythm. Learning to live with Dana has been fun. While Caitlin and I are similar in many ways - Dana is the complete opposite from me and it has been a joy to get to learn new ways of doing things and getting to see the world the way that Dana does.

3) My Family of course :) I have always held that my family is one of the best out there (as I am sure many people do). I have grandparents that have nothing but pride in their grandchildren and simply enjoy watching us grow and become our own people. I have aunts and uncles that enjoy seeing their families and having crazy Dutch Blitz or Spades games. I have Cousins with whom I thoroughly enjoy spending time. Even though I am 4+ years older than all of them, age never seems to matter when we are together.

I have parents that have supported me and my siblings regardless of our actions and delight not only in their kids but in each other. They are my example of Happily Ever after. They make love real. Katie is my opposite in every way. Where I am reserved she is outgoing. Where she is spontaneous I am planned. We spark each other. In our youth these sparks became fights. Now in our adulthood they (mostly) mean a thorough adventure. Katie says we go and I find a way to get us there. Kristen is who I aspire to be. She is confident in who she is. She is quirky and fun and humble and outrageous. She frequently acknowledges her hate of spelling and then says that it instilled in her a knowledge that some things have to be fought for. John is the lynch pin of our family. He is truly spoiled. We didn't realize what our family was missing until he came along. He is fun and sweet and love sports and is so smart that he makes me sick. And popular. That kid walks into a room and everyone wants to be his friend. 

4) The boat that is my car. The Caddy has taken good care of me though you can't really same of me for it. It is a well made car and I don't think that I will need a new car for another couple of years which means that, hopefully, I will have enough saved up to just pay cash for a new one.

5) My Job. I got my job in the middle of the worst part of the economic downturn. Luckily I was a part of a program that was trying to get off the ground and it was spearheaded by the CFO. I had a job when people I graduated with were fighting tougher and tougher competition to get what jobs there were and the number of those jobs had dropped dramatically. Through that program I got to do something I love, auditing, and auditing has taken me to the west coast, Canada, South America, and Asia. The travel is tough and I complain about it some but some people never leave their home town and I feel extremely lucky to experience new cultures (biggest lesson I have learned: Argentines REALLY do not like that Las Malvinas are under the British Crown).

6) My Faith. And for so many reason and much bigger reasons than the one I am going to put here but if it wasn't for my faith I would be a push over. No really. I am a people pleaser to the extreme. If it wasn't for the faith that I believe in, and my need to actually defend and stand up for it, I might have compromised on a lot of issues that aren't even related to my faith. 

7) Penn State. College is where I decided to come into my own. I made friends with a ton of great people, lost a friend for a while, had a boyfriend, and shortly after graduation got a tattoo. Got an amazing education. Learned to have school spirit (never had it in middle school or high school). Most of all, I became Jessie. I was on my own and making my own decisions. I admitted my love of hip hop, country, sci fi, and other genres of reading beyond romance. Though I continue to grow, Penn State is where I stepped out of my parents house and started taking responsibility for myself. Those 4 1/2 years were amazing and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

Future

I think it's time I had a long talk with the man upstairs about where he wants my career to go - because I , for one, have no idea.

Remembering the victims and brave heroes

Tuesday September 11, 2001 I sat in Latin class as one of the girls came in late and announced that a plane had hit a building in NY. No one really paid much attention because we didn't know really what had happened. Somehow someone found out that it was the WTC and a jet airliner had crashed into it. We turned on the TV in our classroom to see the second plane hit. Our jaws dropped. A half hour later, we heard that the pentagon had been hit. We didn't know what to do. We were inbetween NYC and DC, were we next?

The principal of our school came onto the PA system to tell the school what had happened. During that announcement, the TV showed the wreckage in Shanksville, PA of the flight that didn't make it's destination. Since many people in our area commute into NYC for work, those who had parents in NYC were allowed to leave class and head to the office to call home. Many didn't come back as they drove home to wait to hear from loved ones. The principal requested that we keep the TVs off. Most of the teachers complied but our thoughts were with those in NY. 5th period chemistry we turned on the TV. The teacher wanted to know just as much as we did how this happened. Two flights had hit. This wasn't an accident.

The news broke that it had been a deliberate attempt by those in the Taliban. No one understood. No one had heard of this group before. I had. My sister has long been called to Afghanistan to work and minister to the women there. I knew this group. It was the group that my sister would be opposing while she was over there. I had always thought of them as a foreign thing. An oppressive regime that was far away. It affected my sister, it would never touch me. I learned that day how wrong I was. The TV suddenly cut off as more information was coming in on who and why and how. The principal had finally found the switch that turned off all the TVs.

That day changed me, it changed us. As Americans, Christians, Muslims, Athiests, Parents, Children, Siblings, spouses, or whatever you were. We heard through the grapevine who had been pulled out of class, who had gone home because they couldn't be in school anymore and most devastatingly, one girl sobbing in the hall because her family just found out her dad, who worked in Philly, had got called to an impromptu meeting in NY that day in the world trade center. They hadn't heard from him.

I grew up that day. Maybe not a lot but I grew up faster on that day than any other day since. When I got home my mom asked that we leave the TV off. She told me that the news was showing things that she didn't want the other kids to see. I went upstairs and turned on the TV in her room. I saw videos of men and women jumping out of the higher floors. People running as the buildings collapsed. I heard my mom telling me of our neighbor and friend, Dr Gokcen, going to NY to help those who had been wounded. I heard my Sunday school teacher was suppose to be in the city but God wanted him to bake muffins, causing him to miss his train to the city and waiting for the second train that never came. I heard that our township firefighters and policemen were going to help. A four hour drive but the much needed support was vital.

I witnessed our president declare war. Stand up and say we will not let this pass. I saw school buses with tiny arms waving flags out of windows. Songs were written that only barely scratched the surface of emotions of that day. People came together and for a brief time we were not republican, democrat, black, white, rich, poor, man, or woman. We were Americans. And every year we put aside those dividers and remember those that were cruelly taken from this earth early, those that risked their life to assist those that couldn't make it on their own out of the tower, the passengers who knew that death was a certainty but had the fortitude to ensure that no more lives were taken, the brave men that ran into a burning building to help where ever they could, and those strong men who held out hope combing through the wreckage for one more survivor. Seeing things that should never be seen and yet preserving onward.

We will never forget. I will never forget.

Willfully Disobedient

I went to get dinner tonight with a coworker at a local fast food mexican restaurant next to our hotel. The lady in front of us in line ordered and I noticed that she had some problems manuevering because she was using a walker. Thinking nothing much of it we ordered our food and went to go get our drinks. On our way to our table, her number was called. We had stopped to check to see if it was ours and my coworker helped her take the food to the table. She gave us her thanks saying "I don't know how to get around quite yet. My husband use to help me and he died this week."

Our number was called and we got our food. I heard God clearly say "Go sit with her. You hate eating alone when you are traveling, imagine how she feels, she lost her husband". My coworker was already sitting at another table and I didn't know how to gracefully tell him that I was going to be eating with a strange old lady that I had never met. In addition, to walk up to someone and start talking to them or even scarier ask to sit with them and eat is WAY outside my comfort zone. I sat down with my back to her. I kept on telling myself after we are done I will talk to her. God kept on pushing thoughts into my head. The stories that I could hear. The comfort I could give her. I glanced back at her once or twice, thinking I would go over once we were done eating. Or once my coworker was done eating. Feeling ashamed I turned around to finally talk to her but God had provided a more willing servant already. Someone to comfot a woman who was now sobbing quietly. I overheard her tell the woman that she had come her quite often with her husband, she couldn't count the number of times that she had been in that restaurant at that same exact table with him. That she didn't know how she was going to cope without him.

I can not even describe my sorrow at this. I had let a woman who is greiving and eating alone, the one thing I HATE to do by myself, be without comfort. How hard would it have been to say "That woman just lost her husband, I am going to eat with her."? God is merciful and loving and gave her a willing ear to listen to her. I can only cry and pray for forgiveness for not going to one of his children when there was a need. I only wish I can apologize to that woman.

Matthew 25:36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.

I am sorry I didn't comfort you. I am so sorry.

Hello. You are more than a Bird

I guess I should start by explaining the name of this blog.

About a year and a half ago I was getting ready to move from my first real apartment in a city I grew up in with friends all around to a city where I only knew one other person. I was moving there for my job for a temporary 6 months position. I didn't know where I was going to live and I was pretty sure that I wasn't going to be living with a roommate.

I had been stressing about it and it wasn't helped by my mother (who is very loving and really just looking after her procrastinating "chick") who was asking almost constantly if I had found a place to live. I didn't want to look for a place to live and was hating that I was going to have to move to this city, even temporarily. That being said I WAS looking and WAS stressing not only about where to live but how I was going to get all my stuff there.

In my not so frequent bible time I really felt God was putting Matthew 6:26 on my Heart.

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"(NIV)

At the time I thought it was referring to the job that I currently had which was very challenging for me but I slowly came to realize that God wanted me to rely on him to provide for me. Once I began affirming that verse in my life (really I kept on panicking and saying "I am more than a bird" "I am more than a bird" "I am more than a bird" over and over) God opened a wonderful place for me to live.

One of my coworkers lived in that city and had recently bought a new house with his Fiance and needed to sublet his apartment. The rent was double was I was willing to pay and told him that, although I would love to sublet, it was beyond what I was willing to pay for an apartment. A month went by and the offer was once again given but at half the price of what he was paying for the rent. It was decided that I would pay half the rent ($500) and he would pay the other half. Since he was on the lease I didn't have to worry about him flaking off on the rent and He trusted me enough that I didn't have to sign a sublet agreement because I was basically taking the apartment sight unseen and he didn't want to lock me into something I wasn't happy with. He really is one of the nicest people I have ever met.

The apartment was in a great neighborhood with neighbors that always looked out for each other. I went into the shop next to me and one of the really nice old men that owned the shop asked where my young man had been lately. The only time a guy had been to my apartment was 2 weeks ago and it was  another coworker helping me move in a TV stand that I had just bought from Craigslist. It was walking distance to the local restaurants, half a block away from the gym, and a block away from the river.

The second God thing was the actual move out to the city. It is only about two hours away from where I was living at the time. I rented a small uhaul, got my best friend, current roommate, a guy friend, and his son to help me load it up with all my stuff. My guy friend was nice enough to drive the Uhaul out to the new city with me and his son riding shotgun and whatever the name of the middle seat is. My best friend was amazing and drove my car out to the new city. The only other girl I knew in that city met us at my new apartment, which I had only seen once when I went to get the keys a couple of weeks earlier, with her guy roommate. Within a couple of hours we had put everything into the new apartment and they had mostly arranged my furniture and my best friend had help me set up my bed so I at least had something to sleep on.

Within a few weeks I was attending a church I really enjoyed. Had a met a few friends and was starting a relationship with someone (which turned out not to work out but it was a good experience).

All of this would not have been possible if I had not trusted God. He gave me an apartment and moving plans within 4 weeks of praying and left me a month of relaxing knowing that he had taken care of me.

Frequently as I have been going through my life and people are telling me of things that they are going through all I can say to them is that they are"More than a bird".

This verse has become so real to my life that I hope to get a small silhouette of a sparrow in flight tattooed in white on my inner wrist (I already have a tattoo of the Chi Rho on my foot).