For a while now I have loved reading dystopian novels. Mainly because it deals with a brave individual who fights for what is right despite opposition and oppression. The Hunger Games, Matched Series, The Uglies series, etc. I love the story of those who realize that their world isn't all that they want it to be and fight for a change. I love even more the Uglies series in which all the main character wants to do is fit in and yet is constantly challenged with the fact that "fitting in" would result in giving up an integral part of herself.
This Christmas I finally saw Lincoln. There were two things that hit me very hard in this movie that I hope I remember forever 1) war is personal. Maybe if we still fought hand to hand, had to see every face inches from your own when we killed, we would not be so eager to jump into the fray. I am sure those who have been in combat can attest to the horrors but that is another topic for another post. The second thing I realized was 2) Lincoln had a very very hard job to do and sometimes we forget that to some this was not seen an obvious wrong that needed to be righted. Half of the country was opposed, some of them within Lincoln's own party.
We live with the fact that the Northern States won over the Southern Confederation every day. You might not know it but each morning we wake up, 50 states undivided, and continue with our lives. Growing up I had an interracial couple for my backdoor neighbors. We played with their kids, got pushed on the swings by their grandfather affectionately known as Grandpa Joe to the neighborhood kids, and really none of this seemed out of place. How can you think that something is unique if it is the only thing that you have ever known. I didn't realize then and I am just realizing now the enormity of what has been accomplished.
I only have the movie to go on (which probably had some dramatizing involved so I apologize for any inaccuracies) but Lincoln pushed through the 13th Amendment with the threat (yes threat) of peace over his head. Lincoln used the civil war as leverage to push that in the eyes of the law ALL men are created equal. Now we won't get into Jim Crow laws or the following struggle to have this amendment reflected in society (and the racism that is still evident in parts of our country) but this is amazing. The first time the constitution mentions slavery is to reflect that it was illegal.
In the books I read there are obvious sides. In life this is not the case. President Lincoln was a leader of a great Nation and he was fighting even those within his own party to right the wrong. The main characters in the book only have to fight those that would oppress them. Lincoln, by what I saw in the movie, could have made peace ended the war, demanded surrender terms, and maintained his good standing with those who trusted him to act in their stead. Instead he fought for those that had no voice. He pushed off ending the war, killing many more men, to ensure that we could move forward as a Nation that would not have slavery.
With hindsight there are clear sides to this issue but those same people who stood on either side of this issue also stood next to their oppositions on other issues. This has always been the case and will continue to be the case in the future. Issues do not stand alone in a vacuum. I wish they did. But I have come to realize that nothing will be as clear cut as it is in the books. Changing one thing changes the whole. This is hardly addressed in these books because the clean up after the change is almost as hard as the change itself. America can attest to that.
Looking back I can applaud Lincoln for what he did, how could I not? But what if my son, brother, father, or husband died in that last battle while he pushed off peace? What if I lost my home, living, family, or life in the pursuit of it? Would I applaud? I don't know. I would like to think that I would have said it was worth it. That the price I and others had to pay was worth what was gained. What if I fought for the other side? What if I thought that the southern economy would not survive? If I had to pay such a great price and still at the end of the war, lose the world that I had known, would I have applauded even if I opposed slavery?
I can't answer these questions. I have never been challenged in such a way. Maybe I read those books to be more like the heroes and heroines. So that if the time comes when I need to pay the price I can look back and say it was worth it.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Sunday, December 23, 2012
The Baker family Christmas Letter
Every year that I can remember (except for the first two years my parents moved down to Winston-Salem) my dad has, with great joy, patience, and a lot of frustration about margins and page lengths, issued the annual Baker Christmas letter.
I don't know when the tradition started or when it turned into a list of funny happenings from our family but it became a "thing". Frequently at church one of my friends would run up and tell me that they had gotten the Christmas letter. This was, unfortunately, followed up by a recitation of one of my embarrassing moments of the year. Luckily, my dad has always been sensitive to what is being sent out in the letter so he always let us read, and remove, any stories that we deemed "too embarrassing".
The most frustrating part of the Christmas letter is getting a call, text AND email from my dad on December 20th asking me "What are some stories from the past year?" My faulty memory, never stellar to begin with, blanks at the demand for a memory. If someone says quick what is your favorite memory about X all I end up thinking is "Craaaapppp why don't I have any memories about that?!". The pressure is suddenly on not only to remember funny things that have happened to you, your siblings, parents or extended family, but they also have to be funny and witty enough to warrant an inch or two of sacred letter space.
The second most frustrating and yet fondly remembered time is the actual mailing of the letter. In the past we would include with the letter: 1) matching cards - hand signed by each of us and 2) a picture of us from Walmart (the portrait kind where we are wearing matching sweaters) or a copy of a picture of us with Santa (disregarding the fact that you are 16 and, lets face, waaayyy to cool for all your friends to know that your mom still makes you sit on santa's lap). We would have a production line of all the kids plus parents, folding the printed out letter, putting it into the card with the picture, stuffing an envelope, licking the envelope closed, and addressing and stamping the envelope (luckily with printed off labels, return addresses, and self stick stamps). Fortunately we have cut it down to just the letter and card signed by one of us on behalf of the family.
This year's letter has been just as I always remembered. Dad working to get stories and then cut those down to bare wittiness so that to make the one page (front and back) requirement. Katie editing the story, Kristen reluctantly accepting that she is the focus of one of the stories, and John being completely chill about the arrangement. O yes, and mom worried about a) when we will stuff the letters b) if we have enough stamps and c) when we will get to mail them (NO POST ON SUNDAYS!).
As a break to writing this post I attempted to assist my dad in making the two page requirement (two sentences too many) and, after three seconds of scrolling, was rudely shooed away to go finish whatever I was doing on the other side of the table.
I don't know when the tradition started or when it turned into a list of funny happenings from our family but it became a "thing". Frequently at church one of my friends would run up and tell me that they had gotten the Christmas letter. This was, unfortunately, followed up by a recitation of one of my embarrassing moments of the year. Luckily, my dad has always been sensitive to what is being sent out in the letter so he always let us read, and remove, any stories that we deemed "too embarrassing".
The most frustrating part of the Christmas letter is getting a call, text AND email from my dad on December 20th asking me "What are some stories from the past year?" My faulty memory, never stellar to begin with, blanks at the demand for a memory. If someone says quick what is your favorite memory about X all I end up thinking is "Craaaapppp why don't I have any memories about that?!". The pressure is suddenly on not only to remember funny things that have happened to you, your siblings, parents or extended family, but they also have to be funny and witty enough to warrant an inch or two of sacred letter space.
Our present last year which was a
print out of all the letters since 1993
The second most frustrating and yet fondly remembered time is the actual mailing of the letter. In the past we would include with the letter: 1) matching cards - hand signed by each of us and 2) a picture of us from Walmart (the portrait kind where we are wearing matching sweaters) or a copy of a picture of us with Santa (disregarding the fact that you are 16 and, lets face, waaayyy to cool for all your friends to know that your mom still makes you sit on santa's lap). We would have a production line of all the kids plus parents, folding the printed out letter, putting it into the card with the picture, stuffing an envelope, licking the envelope closed, and addressing and stamping the envelope (luckily with printed off labels, return addresses, and self stick stamps). Fortunately we have cut it down to just the letter and card signed by one of us on behalf of the family.
This year's letter has been just as I always remembered. Dad working to get stories and then cut those down to bare wittiness so that to make the one page (front and back) requirement. Katie editing the story, Kristen reluctantly accepting that she is the focus of one of the stories, and John being completely chill about the arrangement. O yes, and mom worried about a) when we will stuff the letters b) if we have enough stamps and c) when we will get to mail them (NO POST ON SUNDAYS!).
As a break to writing this post I attempted to assist my dad in making the two page requirement (two sentences too many) and, after three seconds of scrolling, was rudely shooed away to go finish whatever I was doing on the other side of the table.
Dad hard at work after the shooing me away to focus on those
two stubborn lines that refused to make the page the right length
Regardless of the fact that the letter is some what of a pain, I can freely admit that it wouldn't be christmas without it. Christmas would be just a little bit less sentimental without the craziness of the letter. In fact, last year we received a book of all the letters we have sent out and it was a great way to remember all the memories I often forget about. Also, I would hate to disappoint those avid fans of my dad's yearly reflective prose.
Now I must go. My dad is whimpering and calling for me to assist him with holding the letter up to the light.... don't ask.
Merry Christmas!!!
Friday, November 9, 2012
What I am thankful for
November has always, at least for Americans, been a time where we can reflect on what we have and be thankful. Many people over social media, blogs, and vlogs, have been doing their day to day remembrances and I want to join in the fun. Unfortunately I can't be a daily blogger (sorry) but I can be a one time blogger so here we go - The 7 things I am most thankful for.
2) Amazing roommates. I am living with two of my good friends from College. It is great not having to get to know them on a base level. I have lived with Caitlin in the past and while it took some time to get used to it again we have hit our rhythm. Learning to live with Dana has been fun. While Caitlin and I are similar in many ways - Dana is the complete opposite from me and it has been a joy to get to learn new ways of doing things and getting to see the world the way that Dana does.
I have parents that have supported me and my siblings regardless of our actions and delight not only in their kids but in each other. They are my example of Happily Ever after. They make love real. Katie is my opposite in every way. Where I am reserved she is outgoing. Where she is spontaneous I am planned. We spark each other. In our youth these sparks became fights. Now in our adulthood they (mostly) mean a thorough adventure. Katie says we go and I find a way to get us there. Kristen is who I aspire to be. She is confident in who she is. She is quirky and fun and humble and outrageous. She frequently acknowledges her hate of spelling and then says that it instilled in her a knowledge that some things have to be fought for. John is the lynch pin of our family. He is truly spoiled. We didn't realize what our family was missing until he came along. He is fun and sweet and love sports and is so smart that he makes me sick. And popular. That kid walks into a room and everyone wants to be his friend.
7) Penn State. College is where I decided to come into my own. I made friends with a ton of great people, lost a friend for a while, had a boyfriend, and shortly after graduation got a tattoo. Got an amazing education. Learned to have school spirit (never had it in middle school or high school). Most of all, I became Jessie. I was on my own and making my own decisions. I admitted my love of hip hop, country, sci fi, and other genres of reading beyond romance. Though I continue to grow, Penn State is where I stepped out of my parents house and started taking responsibility for myself. Those 4 1/2 years were amazing and I wouldn't trade them for anything.
1) My safety. Sandy and then Athena have shown me how blessed I am to have been spared even the mild inconvenience of a power outage. My heart hurts for those that have lost their homes and mementos. I wish I could do more than to send supplies and clothes.
2) Amazing roommates. I am living with two of my good friends from College. It is great not having to get to know them on a base level. I have lived with Caitlin in the past and while it took some time to get used to it again we have hit our rhythm. Learning to live with Dana has been fun. While Caitlin and I are similar in many ways - Dana is the complete opposite from me and it has been a joy to get to learn new ways of doing things and getting to see the world the way that Dana does.
3) My Family of course :) I have always held that my family is one of the best out there (as I am sure many people do). I have grandparents that have nothing but pride in their grandchildren and simply enjoy watching us grow and become our own people. I have aunts and uncles that enjoy seeing their families and having crazy Dutch Blitz or Spades games. I have Cousins with whom I thoroughly enjoy spending time. Even though I am 4+ years older than all of them, age never seems to matter when we are together.
I have parents that have supported me and my siblings regardless of our actions and delight not only in their kids but in each other. They are my example of Happily Ever after. They make love real. Katie is my opposite in every way. Where I am reserved she is outgoing. Where she is spontaneous I am planned. We spark each other. In our youth these sparks became fights. Now in our adulthood they (mostly) mean a thorough adventure. Katie says we go and I find a way to get us there. Kristen is who I aspire to be. She is confident in who she is. She is quirky and fun and humble and outrageous. She frequently acknowledges her hate of spelling and then says that it instilled in her a knowledge that some things have to be fought for. John is the lynch pin of our family. He is truly spoiled. We didn't realize what our family was missing until he came along. He is fun and sweet and love sports and is so smart that he makes me sick. And popular. That kid walks into a room and everyone wants to be his friend. 
4) The boat that is my car. The Caddy has taken good care of me though you can't really same of me for it. It is a well made car and I don't think that I will need a new car for another couple of years which means that, hopefully, I will have enough saved up to just pay cash for a new one.
5) My Job. I got my job in the middle of the worst part of the economic downturn. Luckily I was a part of a program that was trying to get off the ground and it was spearheaded by the CFO. I had a job when people I graduated with were fighting tougher and tougher competition to get what jobs there were and the number of those jobs had dropped dramatically. Through that program I got to do something I love, auditing, and auditing has taken me to the west coast, Canada, South America, and Asia. The travel is tough and I complain about it some but some people never leave their home town and I feel extremely lucky to experience new cultures (biggest lesson I have learned: Argentines REALLY do not like that Las Malvinas are under the British Crown).
6) My Faith. And for so many reason and much bigger reasons than the one I am going to put here but if it wasn't for my faith I would be a push over. No really. I am a people pleaser to the extreme. If it wasn't for the faith that I believe in, and my need to actually defend and stand up for it, I might have compromised on a lot of issues that aren't even related to my faith.
7) Penn State. College is where I decided to come into my own. I made friends with a ton of great people, lost a friend for a while, had a boyfriend, and shortly after graduation got a tattoo. Got an amazing education. Learned to have school spirit (never had it in middle school or high school). Most of all, I became Jessie. I was on my own and making my own decisions. I admitted my love of hip hop, country, sci fi, and other genres of reading beyond romance. Though I continue to grow, Penn State is where I stepped out of my parents house and started taking responsibility for myself. Those 4 1/2 years were amazing and I wouldn't trade them for anything.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
The die has been cast
Today at 8:07 AM EST I cast my vote for who should be the next president.
It was a different feel than what I anticipated. The past two times I have voted has been at the Penn State HUB. Students shove leaflets in your hands, the same ones that you slip on as you make you way to the front of the line.
Standing in line at Penn State I always felt like I was performing an obligation, something I had to do because I was an american and to do otherwise would just be.... well un-american. Not to mention my family wouldn't speak to me for a week.
Today felt different. I don't know if it is because I am older or maybe cause I took the time to research my candidates but today felt good. Like I had done something positive.
I heard one grandmother explaining to her granddaughter that it wasn't because of WHO she was that she couldn't vote but because she wasn't old enough. (To which she promptly responded with "o.k. I will vote when I am 5"). I am blessed to live in a country that continually strives for equality. It's hard and it's rough and the growing pains hurt but today is one day that I can take pride in. Not because I am helping in choosing our future, but because 236 years ago my country decided that taxation without representation in front of The Crown was wrong, 143 years ago we acknowledged that race could not determine who got elect a president, and 92 years ago we acknowledged that gender could not factor in granting voting rights. Four years ago we elected our first African American President. Hopefully it will not be another 92 before we have our first Woman President.
This all happened because we voted, we determined our course.
I am proud to be a part of the country and today, when so many conflicting ideas are being posted, tweeted, or blogged, I am glad that I can look back and see who we were and be proud of who we are today.
It was a different feel than what I anticipated. The past two times I have voted has been at the Penn State HUB. Students shove leaflets in your hands, the same ones that you slip on as you make you way to the front of the line.
Standing in line at Penn State I always felt like I was performing an obligation, something I had to do because I was an american and to do otherwise would just be.... well un-american. Not to mention my family wouldn't speak to me for a week.
Today felt different. I don't know if it is because I am older or maybe cause I took the time to research my candidates but today felt good. Like I had done something positive.
I heard one grandmother explaining to her granddaughter that it wasn't because of WHO she was that she couldn't vote but because she wasn't old enough. (To which she promptly responded with "o.k. I will vote when I am 5"). I am blessed to live in a country that continually strives for equality. It's hard and it's rough and the growing pains hurt but today is one day that I can take pride in. Not because I am helping in choosing our future, but because 236 years ago my country decided that taxation without representation in front of The Crown was wrong, 143 years ago we acknowledged that race could not determine who got elect a president, and 92 years ago we acknowledged that gender could not factor in granting voting rights. Four years ago we elected our first African American President. Hopefully it will not be another 92 before we have our first Woman President.
This all happened because we voted, we determined our course.
I am proud to be a part of the country and today, when so many conflicting ideas are being posted, tweeted, or blogged, I am glad that I can look back and see who we were and be proud of who we are today.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Future
I think it's time I had a long talk with the man upstairs about where he wants my career to go - because I , for one, have no idea.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
I love storms!!!
When I was little I was terrified of storms. I mean I was was really really really piss your pants scared of them. At the time my parents lived in Charlotte, NC which frequently got the tail end of hurricanes as well as the normal everyday thunder and lightning storms.
As an adult I can understand where that fear came from. Imagine a little two year old with white blond extremely curly hair seeing flashes of light and hearing big roaring sounds and not understanding where they came from. To remedy this my parents did something that I thank them for every single time a storm rolls around. My mom and dad would take me out onto our back porch, which was small but covered, and would hold me as we sat and watched the rain come pouring down around our house. With her calming voice saying "wow look at that one Jessie. That was a BIG flash of light" or his loving voice murmuring "That was a really deep rumble. I felt it in my tummy." I slowly moved from quivering under my dad's arm, face hidden in the crook, to sitting comfortably on his lap enjoying the beauty of something so fierce.
This became our thing to do. When we moved to Yardley, PA we lost the back porch but made up for it by using our garage. As our family grew, so did the company. Katie, Kristen, John, and sometimes Rebel (most times he hid in the closet) would join us sitting in folding chairs, getting excited to see the fury of a raging storm. Often one of us would just jump out of our chair, throw off our shoes and run into the slashing rain. It wouldn't be long before the rest of the siblings and dog would join in the fun, laughing and running around. I am sure the neighbors thought that we were crazy.
To this day, I still have an absolute giddiness about a big ass storm. When I heard that hurricane Sandy was due to hit Philadelphia head on I was so excited. My roommates and I got all the necessary preparations. Stayed in doors during the worst of it and I eagerly looked outside to see the roaring intensity to hit the northeast since 1903.
I wasn't let down. There wasn't any thunder or lightning and not a lot of rain but the wind more than made up for it. Hearing the wind rage outside my window late last night with the memories of being held safe by my dad when I was younger and celebrating in the rain with my siblings when I was older, I dropped right off to sleep.
As an adult I can understand where that fear came from. Imagine a little two year old with white blond extremely curly hair seeing flashes of light and hearing big roaring sounds and not understanding where they came from. To remedy this my parents did something that I thank them for every single time a storm rolls around. My mom and dad would take me out onto our back porch, which was small but covered, and would hold me as we sat and watched the rain come pouring down around our house. With her calming voice saying "wow look at that one Jessie. That was a BIG flash of light" or his loving voice murmuring "That was a really deep rumble. I felt it in my tummy." I slowly moved from quivering under my dad's arm, face hidden in the crook, to sitting comfortably on his lap enjoying the beauty of something so fierce.
This became our thing to do. When we moved to Yardley, PA we lost the back porch but made up for it by using our garage. As our family grew, so did the company. Katie, Kristen, John, and sometimes Rebel (most times he hid in the closet) would join us sitting in folding chairs, getting excited to see the fury of a raging storm. Often one of us would just jump out of our chair, throw off our shoes and run into the slashing rain. It wouldn't be long before the rest of the siblings and dog would join in the fun, laughing and running around. I am sure the neighbors thought that we were crazy.
To this day, I still have an absolute giddiness about a big ass storm. When I heard that hurricane Sandy was due to hit Philadelphia head on I was so excited. My roommates and I got all the necessary preparations. Stayed in doors during the worst of it and I eagerly looked outside to see the roaring intensity to hit the northeast since 1903.
I wasn't let down. There wasn't any thunder or lightning and not a lot of rain but the wind more than made up for it. Hearing the wind rage outside my window late last night with the memories of being held safe by my dad when I was younger and celebrating in the rain with my siblings when I was older, I dropped right off to sleep.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Well it's time to get personal
This post has been left as a draft on my blog for almost 3 months. I have debated time and time again on whether to publish it and now that I am, I am having trouble thinking of a title for this post. I don't know if it is a rant about how women are portrayed in the media, a plea for understanding, just a story of my experience, or a combination of all three.
I recently saw a rerun of Modern family in which the concept of PMS was explored in the leap day episode. I have mixed feeling about this episode. On one hand it shows the women being rational and only acting crazy in response to the men's over-reaction to the fact that they are all PMS-ing (which is something the men in the show admit to not understanding and liking it to the women being "monsters"). On the other hand it shows them pouring orange juice into cereal, putting two socks on one foot, and hysterically crying to the Sara McLaughlin ASPCA commercial (that last one is feasible though, even without added hormones those commericals are designed to pull your heart strings). I enjoyed seeing the writers show that women can be rational during that time of the month, that sometimes it is the craziness of others that we respond harshly to but it ruins it by showing the women do random nonsensical acts to promote the idea that, in some way, the men's responses are justified.
This "justification" flows into real world as well. I suffer from heavy cramps and mood swings. I take medication each month to counter act the effects of the cramps and I track my mentrual cycle so that I can be aware of when my reactions are a result of increased hormone level or they are actually how I feel. I do all of this so that I can function just as well as other women and men on any given day. Sometimes the medication does not work and I will have to leave work early. I do not get special treatment for this. I do not want special treatment for it. It is treated as if I had a cold or the flu and I have to take time off of work. Once my available days at work are used up I can either A) choose to stay at work or B) take unpaid day off. This is not any different than any other medical reason to leave work and let me say that it IS a medical condition.
In the past I have been accused of using my condition as 1) an excuse to get out of work early 2) A pathetic attempt to get attention 3) a form of manipulation. And not only by men, women have said the same. I think that is just stupid. Yes stupid. I am sure that there are some women that use PMS to their advantage and this makes it harder for people who actually have serious issues with it to be taken seriously, especially those who have PMDD (a more severe form of PMS). When I am told that it "isn't that big of a deal" and "to get over it", it makes me feel less because of something that I was born with and that I have tried to control since I was 13.
I guess this is just a post for those who are in the same situation to say that you aren't alone. If you haven't already, go to the doctors to see what can be done to manage the pain and hormonal swings. Most of all don't let what other people say define who you are. Keep your head high.
I recently saw a rerun of Modern family in which the concept of PMS was explored in the leap day episode. I have mixed feeling about this episode. On one hand it shows the women being rational and only acting crazy in response to the men's over-reaction to the fact that they are all PMS-ing (which is something the men in the show admit to not understanding and liking it to the women being "monsters"). On the other hand it shows them pouring orange juice into cereal, putting two socks on one foot, and hysterically crying to the Sara McLaughlin ASPCA commercial (that last one is feasible though, even without added hormones those commericals are designed to pull your heart strings). I enjoyed seeing the writers show that women can be rational during that time of the month, that sometimes it is the craziness of others that we respond harshly to but it ruins it by showing the women do random nonsensical acts to promote the idea that, in some way, the men's responses are justified.
This "justification" flows into real world as well. I suffer from heavy cramps and mood swings. I take medication each month to counter act the effects of the cramps and I track my mentrual cycle so that I can be aware of when my reactions are a result of increased hormone level or they are actually how I feel. I do all of this so that I can function just as well as other women and men on any given day. Sometimes the medication does not work and I will have to leave work early. I do not get special treatment for this. I do not want special treatment for it. It is treated as if I had a cold or the flu and I have to take time off of work. Once my available days at work are used up I can either A) choose to stay at work or B) take unpaid day off. This is not any different than any other medical reason to leave work and let me say that it IS a medical condition.
In the past I have been accused of using my condition as 1) an excuse to get out of work early 2) A pathetic attempt to get attention 3) a form of manipulation. And not only by men, women have said the same. I think that is just stupid. Yes stupid. I am sure that there are some women that use PMS to their advantage and this makes it harder for people who actually have serious issues with it to be taken seriously, especially those who have PMDD (a more severe form of PMS). When I am told that it "isn't that big of a deal" and "to get over it", it makes me feel less because of something that I was born with and that I have tried to control since I was 13.
I guess this is just a post for those who are in the same situation to say that you aren't alone. If you haven't already, go to the doctors to see what can be done to manage the pain and hormonal swings. Most of all don't let what other people say define who you are. Keep your head high.
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