The weirdest/best Sunday ever

Unfortunately my Grandmother's brother passed away shortly after Christmas. Luckily she was with him the day before and got to spend some time with him before his passing. It was not unexpected and I understand it was peaceful.

Anyway, today was Great Uncle James funeral and although I hadn't seen him since I was 6, the family was out in full force to support Mema and the rest of the family. It turned out to be an interesting day. From the moment we arrived at the funeral home we were regaled with new family gossip. The biggest information was that my family is HICK. And it was awesome. I was regaled of stories of how my great grandfather ran a moonshine operation and people would come in the middle of the night and flash their lights once for a quart or twice for 2 quarts. My aunts and uncles were told that they were making sorghum syrup and of course people came late in the night to ensure that the "syrup" was fresh for their biscuits and grits the following morning.

How Uncle James and Uncle Sid took Mike to Hartwell Lake when he was in 3rd grade and told him they were near the mexican border. When people started rope swinging into the lake, they told them they were trying to cross into America. For hours he yelled swim harder! Meet me half way I will help! Needless to say upon going back to school and telling his teacher he tried to help people cross the rio grande, his mom got a call to extol her dedication to helping people. Uncle Sid cracked up and said "He shouldn't have been dumb enough to fall for it. It was an hours drive". But then again this is the kid who was promised a quarter if he would run to the cow fence put his tongue on it and run back. Too bad the fence was electric.

It has been well established that I have an excellent job with a stable paycheck but alas no marriage prospects (remember this is deep south). I have (apparently) re-met a couple of cousins, aunts, uncles and cousins three time removed with a cherry on top. I have heard awkward speeches, hilarious jokes, inappropriate announcements, and sadly, I was the one who heard the joke and cracked up at the back of the viewing (Thanks Whit for that one).

On the way home from the funeral (after a quick pit stop at the outlet malls with some cousins) I re-learned how each of the Kelly's and their progeny had come to an end. We debated on the impact of life decisions and how it affects our family.

Now I sit at Mema's table mentioned last year and I am watching Whit and her Boyfriend Robby take on the Kenzie and Jill in Spades. The loser has and will continue to demand rematches. I am listening to Jan and Mom and Kristen ask Mema and Deda for details from their childhood. Not to mention Mema pouring ice water on Deda's head when he won't tell her if he wrote the poem that broke up her and her old boyfiend (Roses are Red, Violets are true, but I don't know about you) and disagreed over who proposed to whom. I love hearing about stories new and told so often they are remembered and fit like an old pair of well worn jeans. My grandfather is showing love to each grandchild calling us each by our special nicknames given to us by him: Farmer Girl, Princess, Angel, and Babydoll.

This vacation is flying by as it did last year and I will be sad to leave the family that grows with each new year. The time that we spend here is treasured and the history that is behind such simple times such as cards and rotelli with frito chips moves us all forward with laughter, joy, tears, and love.

This year has truly been, in the words of Deda, a walk in high cotton.

Happy New Year.

Jessie

My Bucket list

A while ago I decided to have a bucket list. Today I took the time to finish the list to a complete 100. I have crossed off 32 items off my list. I thought it would be fun to share with you and let you make suggestions for if I wanted to add more or to share what is on your list.

• 1.     Backpack in Europe
• 2.     Visit all 50 states
• 3.     Go into the Atlantic and the pacific
• 4.     Go skydiving
• 5.     Go Bungee Jumping
• 6.     Get  a tattoo
• 7.     Visit all 7 continents
• 8.     Learn how to hotwire a car
• 9.     Learn how to pick a lock
• 10. Fall in Love
• 11. Get married and have a family
• 12. Get my CPA license
• 13. Kiss under the Mistletoe
• 14. Learn how to drive a stick shift
• 15. ROAD TRIP!!
• 16. Learn to shoot a gun
• 17. Give blood
• 18. Go to four corners
• 19. Go to a drive in movie theater
• 20. Swim with the dolphins
• 21. Run a 5k
• 22. Run a 10k
• 23. Run a half marathon
• 24. Be an extra in a doctor who episode
• 25. Visit the wizarding world of harry potter
• 26. Go on a hot air balloon ride
• 27. Ski a real black diamond
• 28. Go to the Eiffel tower
• 29. Go to comic con
• 30. Passionately kiss in the rain
• 31. Go skinny dipping
• 32. See the Sistine chapel
• 33. See Stonehenge
• 34. See the northern lights
• 35. Go on a cruise
• 36. Hike the Appalachian trail
• 37. Earn a black belt in a martial art
• 38. Take a self defense class
• 39. Become proficient in spanish
• 40. Take singing lessons
• 41.  Go to a jazz club in New Orleans
• 42. Go snorkeling
• 43. Go scuba diving
• 44. Polar bear swim
• 45. Swim in the largest swimming pool in the world
• 46. Ride the orient express
• 47. Sleep in an overnight train
• 48.  Go to the top of the Jung Frau
• 49. Go whale watching
• 50. Adopt a dog
• 51. Go white water rafting
• 52. See Niagara Falls
• 53.  See the Mona Lisa
• 54. Stay at the Ice Hotel in Sweden
• 55. Couch Surf
• 56.  Go to Carnival
• 57. Be involved in La Tomatina (huge city wide food fight)
• 58.  Learn Photography
• 59. Read the top 100 American Classics
• 60. Read the top 100 books of all time
• 61. Learn to be more outgoing in unfamiliar settings
• 62. Take a random community college course for fun – like basket weaving
• 63. Pay off student loans
• 64.  Stick to a budget for one year
• 65. Donate $25 to Kiva each month for one year
• 66. Shop at Harrods
• 67. Get a massage
• 68.  Drink a bottle of expensive champagne
• 69. Fly first class
• 70. Study other religions
• 71. Read the entire bible
• 72. Volunteer at a soup kitchen
• 73. Invent something
• 74. Read 4 biographies about US presidents
• 75. Read 4 biographies about non American influential people
• 76. Be pictured in a magazine
• 77. See a Broadway play
• 78.  Try Escargot
• 79. Try Liver
• 80. Try Kimchi
• 81. Ice skate at Rockefeller center
• 82. Have a winning lottery ticket
• 83. Go to a murder mystery dinner
• 84. Go to a masquerade
• 85. Say “I have been kicked out of better places than this” to someone
• 86.  Go to Vegas
• 87.  Have 100 things on my bucket list
• 88.  Throw a party and invite everyone
• 89.  Ride and Elephant
• 90.  Ride a Camel
• 91.  Experience weightlessness
• 92.  Drive a convertible
• 93.  Donate blood
• 94.  Go into all 5 oceans (Pacific, Atlantic, Indian, Arctic, and Southern)
• 95.  Cross the equator
• 96.  Find Waldo in Where’s Waldo
• 97.  Watch the 10 most classic American Films
• 98.  Drive the Pacific Coast Highway
• 99.  Leave a huge tip for a deserving waiter(ess)
• 100.                Get my MBA

The dating woman in 21st century America

Well I fully intended my next post to be an update about India and visiting my sister in London/Oxford and I promise that is coming. And in all honesty I was going to go to bed but I think that some truth needs to be shed on something that maybe we overlook in the day to day.

Let me first say that I am truly truly blessed to live in this day and age. I live in a country that with religious freedom (although sometimes the denigration of Christian is becoming more and more apparent), I live in a world where I can say what I feel, be what I want, and do what I want. Which is more than many women have around the world but I don't want those around me to forget that sometimes our culture is so "forward thinking" that we go backwards.

Before I left for India I heard the song Blurred Lines. I loved it. It had a great beat and a catchy tune. Two days ago I heard the lyrics. Today I saw the official music video and I am ashamed that this is something that I danced to.

In case you don't know, Blurred Lines is a song sung by Robin Thicke featuring well known rappers T.I. and producer Pharrell Williams. Now I have to admit that in listening to the lyrics they don't seem all that bad. Only one line really stuck out to me as grossly inappropriate but that didn't put me off. But after watching the music video, which was intended to be a "tongue in cheek" video mocking the current rap industry I have to say that they stepped out of line. In this topless women in thongs are dancing around fully clothed men. Sad to say that this is not unusual when it comes to music videos but what really got me was a teeny tiny stop sign on a woman's rear end. At this point when in conjunction with some of the lyrics from the song I got the strong impression that they were completely ignoring something that has been bothering me lately about our country. The idea that no does not always mean no. But hey it's ok cause Robin Thicke has a wife and kids. That makes it ok to hold women to such a low standard socially and a high standard physically (seriously all those girls were a size 0 with huge [fake] breasts).

We have been making ridiculous strides in our country over the past 50-60 years. Women no longer have to work from home, they can be the breadwinners, we have women lawyers, judges, congressmen, and senators. These are amazing feats and we should celebrate them but we still have a long way to go. We are honored for our brains not just our beauty. Or sometimes we are. In some areas we are. But sometimes in very big ways, we are not.

Take for example the popular website imgur. Imgur hosts photo sharing in which photos are shared for laughs, to reflect political ideals, religious ideals, to bring awareness, to show off drawings, or just to feel connected. I have an account on this website but many a times I have been told "to get back to the Kitchen" or "Go make me a sandwich" mainly because of my sex. This is regardless of the fact that I have a degree from a top university, make just as much as the men in my department, and that I probably have a firmer grasp of who I am and what I can do for the world that some of the people on that website. Purely by a choice of an X or a Y I am relegated to serving food. Let me say clearly - SCREW THAT.

I have chosen for myself what I am going to be in life. Right now I am a late 20s world traveler. If you took the number of cities and countries and states that I have been to and added them together that number might be higher than the number of miles some people have been from their house. Maybe later I might be a mom, even more I might be a stay at home mom but that is a choice I will make WITH my husband when the time is right. It will not be defined by the gender that I was born.

Sadly not all my choices get to be my own. When going on a date, I take extra precautions. If I am lucky I might have known the guy for a while. More likely than not, a friend has vouched for him. But as this limits the number of dates I would go on and possibly the number of amazing people I would meet sometimes the inevitable date with someone you might not know all that well is... well... inevitable.  In this scenario, as a woman I might take precautions that men don't have to. I tell my roommates the guy's name, where we are going, how I met him, a time they can expect me home, and maybe his cell number. In case, you know the Morgan from the BAU needs to rescue me. The truly sad thing is that I do not find this weird. It is something I have done since I started dating. This is the norm.

On dates, I have to be clear and upfront from the beginning what the expectations are. Most times guys understand and if all they are looking for is sex, we part amicably. Sometimes, they don't get that my saying "it is late, I am going home" IS my final response. I had one guy ask me three times in the space of 5 minutes to go back to his place with him. The first round of denial was not accepted as the final answer. When it became clear that my intention really was to end the night by taking a taxi home I was called a bitch and a tease. Oh not to my face. No, it was under his breath. Asshat. The truth is that these guys are not common in my life but even once is too many times.

Now not all guys are dangerous, heck 90% of them are really genuinely amazing and nice guys. I am proud to say that I know a lot of these guys. But the chance that one isn't a great guy is too great of a chance to take with my safety. The numbers are staggering. Even when a rape is reported, which is an astonishingly low percentage (estimated at around 45%), only 12% result in arrest, 9 % are taken to trial and only about 3% of rapists will see a day in jail. (all stats from RAINN).

This need to protect myself won't ever really go away. I will always be physically weaker than most men but when songs have lyrics in it like "I know You want it" and "I know you're an animal, it's in your nature. Just let me liberate 'cha" (but hey it's ok cause normally he respects woman and can prove it because he is married) it makes me feel like this ideal is being perpetuated instead of halted in it's tracks. That we are making the world more dangerous instead of trying to make it safer.

Tumblr down the Rabbit Hole

So last fall my wonderful friend Ali and I decided to do a half marathon. The problem is we didn't decide on a marathon until the end of this January. Which meant that I didn't have to start training until the end of this January. Luckily Ali knows me and sent me an easy schedule to follow and it has been a blast.

My schedule usually involves me going to the Gym after getting back to the hotel after a long day. After grabbing some dinner and studying (or getting sucked into TV) I head to the Gym. This usually resulted in me going at 10 PM or later. I needed to find a source of motivation to get my Butt to the gym. I had hoped to find it in Tumblr.

Tumblr, for those who don't know, is a social media site that allows what has come to be known as micro blogging.  Small snippets of information that then get shown on your homepage.I joined a while back but hadn't done anything much with it. I knew it to be place where pictures could be shown and searched for fairly easily. I figured finding inspiration on this site would be easy.

I hated how right I was. Within moments of searching for "Fit inspiration" on tumblr I got inundated with posts of extremely skinny girls with quotes and tags like "OMG look at her thigh gap. I want one." or "You can see her collarbone so clearly. #MyGoal". It's even worse if you look up thin. There are pictures of women who clearly have an eating disorder and these images are being passed around from one woman to girl to woman again as the ideal for what they want to look like. It's only slight better for those who want to be fit. Pictures of women whose hair and make up are perfect, who make doing pull ups easy, are barely sweating, oh yeah and on top of it all they just happen to do it in tiny running shorts and a sports bra.

Ummmm No. To all of this. This is unhealthy. Going to the gym isn't easy. You don't look fabulous, or you shouldn't at the end if you have been training right. It's hard work and at the end of the day most body types don't allow for a thigh gap (and really when did that become a thing?) or collar/hip bones that stand out. We should be focusing on showing people how to eat right and by golly if they want a chickfila chicken sandwich on a saturday then they should eat it. If they are tired and want a day to just relax then they should have it. And they shouldn't feel guilty for it. So many of these pictures and motivational pages have subtle message saying if you don't do it you won't meet your goal.

 Should people be fit? Of course they should. But that doesn't mean that they have to start bench pressing and doing squats. Being fit for one person may mean competing in muscle man type of things and for others it might be a walk or playing in the park with their kids and the new dog.

Because let me tell you something. I won't have a thigh gap, I won't have a collar bone that sticks out, I might not weigh 120 ever and I can gaurantee you that I will not be going perfectly coiffed to do my exercises ESPECIALLY if I am in what is essentially underwear. And you know what? I am 100% ok with it.

Kinder Gentler Jessie

When I was growing up I had a soft shell. Everything that even remotely could be considered a dig (even if it was playful ribbing) was taken as a insult or demeaning. It didn't help that in my small middle school there was a popular crowd and the very UNpopular crowd (you can guess which one I was in. Hint: not the first group). I wanted desperately to fit in and I couldn't manage it. I was (and still am) socially awkward  To protect myself against hurt I tried to create a tough outer shell and biting attitude. The attitude, ironically, only got worse around the people who loved me the most.

Luckily I have wonderful parents that understood what was going on. Instead of berating me for what I can only assume was an over reaction to everything, they would lovingly tell me "Kinder Gentler Jessie". I remember my parents telling me that they loved me for who I was and that they were sad that I was hiding behind a tough exterior. They showed me that although the world is tough and sometimes hurts that I didn't have to be like it. I could continue being who I was. Every time I was sharp and had a mean edge my parents would quietly say "Kinder Gentler Jessie".

This lesson still applies in my life today. Although I feel I grew up and let go of most of the hurt from the past, sometimes the actions I learned long ago still assert themselves. One particular Friday I was having a really rough day. Work wasn't going well, I was frustrated, and I didn't feel like the situation was going to be better. The fact that the weekend was hours away did not make this feeling any less. In fact, it felt worse because the week was over and I felt like nothing had been accomplished from Monday, that I had just been a spinning cog in a wheel. I was talking to a close friend of mine and was taking out my frustration and presenting a hard front which resulted in me needlessly harsh and judgemental. The response was quick "I don't think I like Friday Jess."

In a flash I was back in my kitchen hearing my mom's voice saying "You need to be a kinder and gentler Jessie". I apologized to my friend and tried to remember that I do not have to be a reflection of my situation.

Proves that sometimes a lesson is never fully learned

THON is not the only thing out there

For those of you who don't know THON is the common calling of the Pennsylvania State University's IFC/Panhellenic Dance Marathon. You can see why we use the nickname. Every year thousands of students work tirelessly to raise money for the awareness and support for kids who have cancer. It begins at the beginning of the school year when organizations start fundraising, canning, and raising awareness for pediatric cancer by asking for corporate sponsors and standing on the corners of streets asking for small donations. It culminates in the middle of February where members of these organizations and individuals who have raised a lot of money stand, dance, and sing for 46 hours straight and basically at the end all but cease to function.

This weekend is THON. As a PSU Alum and someone who has been a part of thon as a fundraiser, on the finance committee, on the OPP committee, and as a supporter in the crowd I can say that this is one amazing cause. But (and this is where other PSU Fanatics will burn me at the stake) it isn't the be all and end all of charity.

Frequently I was frowned upon in my organizations because I would only go canning once a year. I made no bones about the fact that while I thought it was a good cause I would rather donate my $10 than give up a weekend of studying (yes I did study Mom and Dad). I applaud those that gave a lot of time and money and effort into making THON what it is and it is truly a great thing, but it does not make you better than me. I had my own charities, I was in habitat for humanity freshman year, I served soup at homeless shelter, I donated towards breast cancer, and raised money for those who have Sarcoidosis. And don't even get me started on the reactions to those who didn't want to participate in THON at all.

I just want to remind everyone that any good put out there is FANTASTIC. You don't need to be a part of something huge to make a difference. But to those involved with THON this weekend I wish you all the luck and I can't wait to see what y'all have done this year. I know it will be awesome.

The Friendzone and My Perspective

You like a guy/girl and three things can happen:

1) They like you back! Congrats! Go forth into the world and clutter our facebook newsfeed with unnecessarily cute things.
2) Ew gross you have cooties. Console yourself with some Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge. But don't worry, plenty of fish in the sea.
3) "Aww you're so great! Your like a sister/brother to me, I wish my significant other was more like you." Welcome to a special sort of Hell known as the friendzone.

I have had the unfortunate experience of being in the friendzone as well as having (regretfully) friendzoned some people in my earlier college days. It's a crappy crappy place to be and I know how much it can suck but let me tell you something. It isn't anyone's fault. To those zoned: Just because you are nice to him/her doesn't mean that you get a free pass into the sacred halls of dating them. Being nice is just a basic necessity of being human. Just because you are there to listen to their problems and give advice doesn't mean that you have a right to a date or two because listening and giving advice is what FRIENDS DO!

This also doesn't give free reign. To those doing the zoning: If you are asking your friend to go get you Stouffers mac and cheese at 2 AM from the 24 hour Walmart 45 minutes away because you just can't STAND Kraft, then sorry chicka (dude) you are taking advantage of your friend. You also can't treat them as an occasional hook up buddy. It's not fair to treat their affections as an emotional buffer. The best way to determine if you are taking advantage is to compare your actions with them to what you would do with another of your friends. If your best friend wouldn't do it then there is a good chance if they were acting only in friendship they wouldn't be doing it either. If you ask for these favors AND you are aware of their feelings then you need to evaluate your personal values and they should evaluate whether you are worth their affection.

In the end there is always a choice to be made: to stay friends with this person or to get some distance. If the decision to stay has been made then those zoned need to accept that they may only remain friends. I am not saying that one can not exit the friend zone and end up with the object of affection (my ex boyfriend was friend-zoned for a while before we dated) but the chances of it happening are slim. If the decision has been made in favor of distancing thmeselves then both parties need to let that happen. The emotional well being of your friend should take precedence of the need for the friendship.

Redefining the past

A lot of people I know want to go back to the "good ole days",whether it be bringing 90's nickelodeon back, bringing the 60's hippie culture back, or returning to the days where the press reported only facts. People are passionate about a time when life seemed simpler. There are Facebook groups dedicated to each of these ideals. In theory, this is a good thing but the practicality of it may not be.

The human race has a whole host of biases that go into each and every moment of the day. There are judgement biases, media bias, belief bias, social bias, the list goes on and on. One bias in particular is a memory bias called Rosy Retrospective. In this bias, the events of the past are seen favorably, meaning we forget the bad and embrace that which was good.

Recalling a memory accurately is harder to do as time passes, unless you relive that memory frequently. Each time a memory is relived you imprint that memory onto new cells (if I understand the science correctly, I might not... Medical journals go over my head) which are easier to "access" later. If you alter something in this memory and then recall that memory with the same alteration, the original memory will still be harder to recall. When we choose to remember the good and not the bad, we are making the good easier to remember. This is a mechanism of self preservation. If we remembered how hard it was in the past and all you see ahead of you is the same hardship would you continue on?

You can even have rosy retrospective about something you did not live. The best example of this is viewing kindly America's past. We look back at our founding fathers and say "that was a good time". We remember discovering a new land, the signing of the declaration of independence, we remember how we stood up and joined in WWII, we remember the 50's and the simplicity of life that was presented to us in our history books. We forget that to claim the "new land" we forced many people out of the homes, killed entire nations, and brought infectious disease. We often forget that when the founding fathers wrote the declaration of independence we owned slaves. We forget that we didn't join WWII until we were attacked at Pearl harbor and the war had been going on for years before we joined. We forget that in the 50's it was unthinkable for a woman who wanted to be a mom to also work outside the home and divorcees were shunned from "respectable" women.

The issues that we are discussing today are not any different than those in the past. We have come very far but we have a long way to go. Gun laws have been debated in the past and they will continue to be debated as long as they are used to kill and since that is the intention of the gun (whether for humans or animals) the issue of the gun laws will never go away. They may abate for a time but they will not be resolved. The issue of abortion will not go away. Until the entire world believes in one thing there will be abortions, legal or otherwise. Until everyone has a job unemployment, welfare, and any social assistance will be debated. They were debated in the past and they will be debated in the future.

The best that we can hope for is to look to the past honestly and determine where we went wrong and where we should go from there. This means removing the rose colored glasses, taking a cool sip of water, and being honest with ourselves as a collective. Then maybe once and for all we can admit that Clarissa Explains It All had horrible acting and that Ice Ice Baby is on par with Baby Baby Baby (oohh!!).

Looking back at 2012

Inspired by the wonderful blog posts by my sister, Katie, and the wonderful Allison Lebo, I have decided to look back at 2012.

This year I:

Went to two different Continents that I had never been to before

Visited 6 States I have never been to before.

Saw five amazing couples get married. I was a bridesmaid for the first time in Lauren Bixler's wedding and now I can't wait to meet her new son CJ. Two of these weddings required me to come from or go to another continent right before or after (sometimes both).

I got my second tattoo on my hip with my sister on the Vegas Strip to which many of her friend's exclaimed "The BAKERS got tattoos?!?!"

I started a Blog, which I thought was only for English majors who could write, but learned it was all about being vulnerable to strangers and a patience for the editing process.

I moved in with some of my best friends and we have fought, argued, laughed hysterically, cooked, and lived together in a way that I hadn't experienced since college. We have endured the process of painting rooms, hanging decorations, melding styles, paying bills, and painfully putting up a blue spruce in our living room.

I went on a date where I knew it was a date and could appreciate the manner in which I was asked out even if it didn't work out in the end.

I reconnected with old friends, made a few new ones, lost a couple on the road of life, and are still quite unsure where I stand with a few others.

Jumped into a freezing  river for the second year in a row and still couldn't get the courage to dunk my head under water.

I made taking CPA exams a hobby. I passed one and failed five others. I learned that I am a tortoise and not a hare. It's going to take me a bit to get this done but I am not discouraged..... yet.

I have paid off two student loans, gone on a cruise with my grandparents and mom, bought my fourth comforter in three years, and have still yet to complete any fitness regimen I start.

I have written bad poetry, read amazing books, saw movies that moved my soul, and read bible passages that lifted my heart.

My family seems farther away physically than ever before but it has made me appreciate my time with them. I would rather play two games of hearts laughing hysterically with John, Dad, Mom, and Judge than to study for an hour. I can always pass an exam but those moments are fleeting.

2012 has been very generous with me. Although there have been stories that make your hair curl and heartache and frustrations, the blessings I have been given far outweigh every thing else.

Here's to the old and I can not wait to meet the new.

Doing right in the face of oppression

For a while now I have loved reading dystopian novels. Mainly because it deals with a brave individual who fights for what is right despite opposition and oppression. The Hunger Games, Matched Series, The Uglies series, etc. I love the story of those who realize that their world isn't all that they want it to be and fight for a change. I love even more the Uglies series in which all the main character wants to do is fit in and yet is constantly challenged with the fact that "fitting in" would result in giving up an integral part of herself.

This Christmas I finally saw Lincoln. There were two things that hit me very hard in this movie that I hope I remember forever 1) war is personal. Maybe if we still fought hand to hand, had to see every face inches from your own when we killed, we would not be so eager to jump into the fray. I am sure those who have been in combat can attest to the horrors but that is another topic for another post. The second thing I realized was 2) Lincoln had a very very hard job to do and sometimes we forget that to some this was not seen an obvious wrong that needed to be righted. Half of the country was opposed, some of them within Lincoln's own party.

We live with the fact that the Northern States won over the Southern Confederation every day. You might not know it but each morning we wake up, 50 states undivided, and continue with our lives. Growing up I had an interracial couple for my backdoor neighbors. We played with their kids, got pushed on the swings by their grandfather affectionately known as Grandpa Joe to the neighborhood kids, and really none of this seemed out of place. How can you think that something is unique if it is the only thing that you have ever known. I didn't realize then and I am just realizing now the enormity of what has been accomplished.

I only have the movie to go on (which probably had some dramatizing involved so I apologize for any inaccuracies) but Lincoln pushed through the 13th Amendment with the threat (yes threat) of peace over his head. Lincoln used the civil war as leverage to push that in the eyes of the law ALL men are created equal. Now we won't get into Jim Crow laws or the following struggle to have this amendment reflected in society (and the racism that is still evident in parts of our country) but this is amazing. The first time the constitution mentions slavery is to reflect that it was illegal.

In the books I read there are obvious sides. In life this is not the case. President Lincoln was a leader of a great Nation and he was fighting even those within his own party to right the wrong. The main characters in the book only have to fight those that would oppress them. Lincoln, by what I saw in the movie, could have made peace ended the war, demanded surrender terms, and maintained his good standing with those who trusted him to act in their stead. Instead he fought for those that had no voice. He pushed off ending the war, killing many more men, to ensure that we could move forward as a Nation that would not have slavery.

With hindsight there are clear sides to this issue but those same people who stood on either side of this issue also stood next to their oppositions on other issues. This has always been the case and will continue to be the case in the future. Issues do not stand alone in a vacuum. I wish they did. But I have come to realize that nothing will be as clear cut as it is in the books. Changing one thing changes the whole. This is hardly addressed in these books because the clean up after the change is almost as hard as the change itself. America can attest to that.

 Looking back I can applaud Lincoln for what he did, how could I not? But what if my son, brother, father, or husband died in that last battle while he pushed off peace? What if I lost my home, living, family, or life in the pursuit of it? Would I applaud? I don't know. I would like to think that I would have said it was worth it. That the price I and others had to pay was worth what was gained. What if I fought for the other side? What if I thought that the southern economy would not survive? If I had to pay such a great price and still at the end of the war, lose the world that I had known, would I have applauded even if I opposed slavery?

I can't answer these questions. I have never been challenged in such a way. Maybe I read those books to be more like the heroes and heroines. So that if the time comes when I need to pay the price I can look back and say it was worth it.

What I am thankful for

November has always, at least for Americans, been a time where we can reflect on what we have and be thankful. Many people over social media, blogs, and vlogs, have been doing their day to day remembrances and I want to join in the fun. Unfortunately I can't be a daily blogger (sorry) but I can be a  one time blogger so here we go - The 7 things I am most thankful for.

1) My safety. Sandy and then Athena have shown me how blessed I am to have been spared even the mild inconvenience of a power outage. My heart hurts for those that have lost their homes and mementos. I wish I could do more than to send supplies and clothes. 

2) Amazing roommates. I am living with two of my good friends from College. It is great not having to get to know them on a base level. I have lived with Caitlin in the past and while it took some time to get used to it again we have hit our rhythm. Learning to live with Dana has been fun. While Caitlin and I are similar in many ways - Dana is the complete opposite from me and it has been a joy to get to learn new ways of doing things and getting to see the world the way that Dana does.

3) My Family of course :) I have always held that my family is one of the best out there (as I am sure many people do). I have grandparents that have nothing but pride in their grandchildren and simply enjoy watching us grow and become our own people. I have aunts and uncles that enjoy seeing their families and having crazy Dutch Blitz or Spades games. I have Cousins with whom I thoroughly enjoy spending time. Even though I am 4+ years older than all of them, age never seems to matter when we are together.

I have parents that have supported me and my siblings regardless of our actions and delight not only in their kids but in each other. They are my example of Happily Ever after. They make love real. Katie is my opposite in every way. Where I am reserved she is outgoing. Where she is spontaneous I am planned. We spark each other. In our youth these sparks became fights. Now in our adulthood they (mostly) mean a thorough adventure. Katie says we go and I find a way to get us there. Kristen is who I aspire to be. She is confident in who she is. She is quirky and fun and humble and outrageous. She frequently acknowledges her hate of spelling and then says that it instilled in her a knowledge that some things have to be fought for. John is the lynch pin of our family. He is truly spoiled. We didn't realize what our family was missing until he came along. He is fun and sweet and love sports and is so smart that he makes me sick. And popular. That kid walks into a room and everyone wants to be his friend. 

4) The boat that is my car. The Caddy has taken good care of me though you can't really same of me for it. It is a well made car and I don't think that I will need a new car for another couple of years which means that, hopefully, I will have enough saved up to just pay cash for a new one.

5) My Job. I got my job in the middle of the worst part of the economic downturn. Luckily I was a part of a program that was trying to get off the ground and it was spearheaded by the CFO. I had a job when people I graduated with were fighting tougher and tougher competition to get what jobs there were and the number of those jobs had dropped dramatically. Through that program I got to do something I love, auditing, and auditing has taken me to the west coast, Canada, South America, and Asia. The travel is tough and I complain about it some but some people never leave their home town and I feel extremely lucky to experience new cultures (biggest lesson I have learned: Argentines REALLY do not like that Las Malvinas are under the British Crown).

6) My Faith. And for so many reason and much bigger reasons than the one I am going to put here but if it wasn't for my faith I would be a push over. No really. I am a people pleaser to the extreme. If it wasn't for the faith that I believe in, and my need to actually defend and stand up for it, I might have compromised on a lot of issues that aren't even related to my faith. 

7) Penn State. College is where I decided to come into my own. I made friends with a ton of great people, lost a friend for a while, had a boyfriend, and shortly after graduation got a tattoo. Got an amazing education. Learned to have school spirit (never had it in middle school or high school). Most of all, I became Jessie. I was on my own and making my own decisions. I admitted my love of hip hop, country, sci fi, and other genres of reading beyond romance. Though I continue to grow, Penn State is where I stepped out of my parents house and started taking responsibility for myself. Those 4 1/2 years were amazing and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

The die has been cast

Today at 8:07 AM EST I cast my vote for who should be the next president.

It was a different feel than what I anticipated. The past two times I have voted has been at the Penn State HUB. Students shove leaflets in your hands, the same ones that you slip on as you make you way to the front of the line.

Standing in line at Penn State I always felt like I was performing an obligation, something I had to do because I was an american and to do otherwise would just be.... well un-american. Not to mention my family wouldn't speak to me for a week.

Today felt different. I don't know if it is because I am older or maybe cause I took the time to research my candidates but today felt good. Like I had done something positive.

I heard one grandmother explaining to her granddaughter that it wasn't because of WHO she was that she couldn't vote but because she wasn't old enough. (To which she promptly responded with "o.k. I will vote when I am 5"). I am blessed to live in a country that continually strives for equality. It's hard and it's rough and the growing pains hurt but today is one day that I can take pride in. Not because I am helping in choosing our future, but because 236 years ago my country decided that taxation without representation in front of The Crown was wrong, 143 years ago we acknowledged that race could not determine who got elect a president, and 92 years ago we acknowledged that gender could not factor in granting voting rights. Four years ago we elected our first African American President. Hopefully it will not be another 92 before we have our first Woman President.




This all happened because we voted, we determined our course.

I am proud to be a part of the country and today, when so many conflicting ideas are being posted, tweeted, or blogged, I am glad that I can look back and see who we were and be proud of who we are today.

Future

I think it's time I had a long talk with the man upstairs about where he wants my career to go - because I , for one, have no idea.

I HATE MAKING DECISIONS!

So in trying to do my duty as an American Citizen I need to decide what issues are important to me and in what issues are MOST important. I am obviously not going to agree with all the views held by whichever candidate I vote for but the majority of the views held by the candidate should match how I feel about my top issues. The problem is sometimes I can't decide. For example:

Drilling for oil in previously restricted US areas

PROS: Creates potential jobs for US workers, reduces our dependence on foreign oil
CONS: Possible damage to the environment, does not reduce our dependence on oil overall

The problem I am trying to reconcile is that both options hold good points. Do I want people in America to have jobs? Heck yeah I do! Do I want to reduce the our dependence on oil in favor of more ecological friendly alternatives? YES!

Because both of these are things that I want and I think that both are vitally important I have to weigh which one I want more.

I feel that as a Christian we are entrusted with God's earth and should protect it as much as possible. Not only that but we have a duty to future generations to use our resources wisely. But at what cost?

You can argue that focusing our energies on finding fuel alternatives creates jobs, just as drilling close to america would. But this denies a few truths - the jobs created for energy alternatives are not for those that would be working on an oil rig. I can't say for sure but I definitely think that jobs created at the higher end of the education level bars those who do not have an advanced degree but if someone with an advance degree needs a job, he can apply for jobs that do not have as strict requirement for education. This means that the job creation is not equal. If job creation isn't equal than that is another factor that should be determined as well. Who am I to judge who get the jobs? I know people on both walks of life.

The other thing is that if drilling in America would mean that we stopped drilling elsewhere then the ecological impact would be negated. But it isn't. Those doing the drilling are companies. The bottom line is their goal. That isn't a bad thing. If it wasn't their goal they would be a NFP entity. So then do we increase the chances of having another environmental disaster, as with BP? That disaster also cost a lot of people their jobs.

As one of my favorite author says "The truth often defies simplicity".

So once I finally make my decision on where I stand on this issue (which research still has to be done on my end so I don't fall victim to someone else's bias) then we have to bring in something like healthcare.

 Do I want everyone to have healthcare? Of course! Do I want to pay for the cost of treating lung cancer for someone who has smoked for 20 years? No! Do I want people with pre existing conditions to have healthcare? Yes! Do I think that small business should be forced to pay health insurance? No.

Once again I would have to do research to come to my own conclusions on where I stand. THEN on top of that I have to decide if my stance for drilling on american soil or healthcare was more important than the other ESPECIALLY if neither candidate support both of my views.

Then again maybe Obama supports my #1 and 4 but Romney supports #2 and 3? Where do I go from there. Romney might support more of top choices but Obama might support my #1.

This mess of decision making is the main reason I voted straight ticket in the last election. This is also the reason I will not vote straight ticket again. Voting straight ticket is supporting a political parties views. It's time I supported my own.

The Teachers of WCCS

From pre-K through 8th grade I went to school at Washington Crossing Christian School, WCCS to us attendees. My time there was heavily influenced by the teachers. I can truly say that the teachers and administration of that school shaped who I am today.

I can remember every teacher I have had there.

1st - Mrs Brody

2nd - Mrs Bell

4th -Mrs Hoffstetter

6th, 7th and 8th - Mr Hall, Pastor Dave, Mrs Walsh and Mrs. Norton (nee Caywood)

My 6th - 8th teachers really showed me what school was all about. What I could be learning. And the first to show me that the amount of effort I put into something reflected the grade I would get. The first and last failing grade I ever got was in Mr Hall's class. I did a "report" and "presentation" on football. I got a 47, I think. End of the semester I had a D. And I caught hell for it. I never got a D again (although C's somewhat peppered my college transcripts) Miss Caywood taught me the value of critical thinking in reading. (although I can't do it... I know the value)

I can also go into the auxilary teachers (such as the awesome Mr Dancha our gym teacher) but the list would be really long.

You might be wondering why I left out my 3rd and 5th  grade teachers. I haven't forgotten them. Quite the opposite. These teachers had the most impact.

My fifth grade teacher was Mrs Steele... well  technically she was my Kindergarten, fifth, AND sixth grade teacher. (maybe even pre-k but my memory, as mentioned in this post, is really bad... I would have to confirm with my mom or Mrs Steele).  Mrs Steele is the first teacher I remember having at WCCS. I can't remember much from that year except that a) we hatched chickens in which we got to keep one and subsequently had a violent and gruesome death (more on that later) and  b) Mrs Steele's name changed and I thought it was mean to make my teacher change her name from whatever it was then to something that meant she took something without asking (I didn't realize that it also was a material to build bridges and buildings and the like).

Mrs Steele wanted every single one of her students to succeed, not only in school but in other areas as well. I could walk into her classroom at any point during a lunch or recess break and talk to her about whatever was bothering me. She would also give you third chances at tests. No really! I got three chances on my section on grammar. I got a 60 on the first one, a 65 on the third one, and a 59 on the third. Sadly, it was not lack of trying on my part or an ineptness on her part, just my brains inability to identify different parts of a sentence. Even to this day, unless those parts of a sentence are ask for in madlibs, I have no idea what it is.

She also got to know each of her students as a person. She made it clear that they were valued for just who and what they were. One of my favorite stories of Mrs Steele is related to Katie. Katie was notoriously messy growing up. Each day when she went to Kindergarten she would go clean and unblemished. As she was leaving each day Mrs. Steele would smile and count the number of spots of food, paint, and dirt that now colored my sister's outfit. She could find the good in any kid. 

My Third grade teacher was Mrs Brown. Mrs Brown is one of the best teachers I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. She made learning fun. She was my Miss Frizzle.

If you have never seen the magic school bus

well then you need to

Mrs Brown's third grade started off with giving the parents a list of reports that will be due during the school year and projects that needed to be completed. For a girl who procrastinates until the very last minute to tell her family about a MAJOR project this sheet was VITAL... too bad it got lost 2 weeks into the school year. This was the first year that we would be doing "real" school work. We were done with baby school and would be doing cool things like writing papers.

Everyone could not WAIT to get into Mrs Browns third grade class. We had heritage day, where everyone (but me) did research on their family's history and would bring in food and decorations that represented the family's ancestry. The whole school was invited to come in and view our exhibits and presentations. One year someone had a full cooked fish, head and everything. I was in second grade that year and one of the kids in the class decided that taking a dare to eat the eye balls would be fun. We had some minor regurgitation.

The thing is, I didn't tell my mom until the night before that we needed to do this project. I ended up bringing in black eye peas, corn bread, and fried okra and tried to pass of my heritage as "Southern". I got an S- (less than satisfactory) on that project. Katie made up for it in three years though. Never one to go half way on a project, she RESEARCHED our family and went in with full food and decorations. I am sure we have pictures of it somewhere.

I remember doing research (aka going to the library and looking up one entry in the encyclopedia.... the thing that came before wikipedia) and my parents helping me finalize everything. As much as it was encouraged for us to do our own work, Mrs Brown let the parents help and the Good Lord knows how much I needed my parents help to do the work (like I said, pathological procrastinator). One of my favorite "research papers" ever was the first time we had to have a Bibliography and I had two - count em 1...2... - articles from the Encyclopedia Britanica and World Book encyclopedia from 1802 that we had in the basement. My dad drew the cover of the "report" (it was on Jack Rabbits) and I remember thinking that he had to be the best artist ever and couldn't understand why he wasn't a painter or something.

Not to give you the impression that Mrs Brown was a softie. Quite the opposite. That woman had rules and if you broke them, well you were inside for a recess writing a note of apology or and explanation of why you were wrong. I had three or four of these. Pretty average for the normal third grader. Katie had more than 20. Never one to be bound by the rules but also with a large conscience, Katie would break the rules then regretfully inform Mrs Brown of the infraction. Mrs Brown saved all of these and gave them to her students upon the student graduating 8th grade from WCCS. Mine consisted of things like "I am sorry I forgot to tell my parents about my homework and instead tried to do it during math. I promise to let my mom and dad know about each homework I have". Katie's consisted of "I am sorry I looked at Savannah's spelling test. I really just wanted to make sure she was doing alright. I know that this could look like cheating but I didn't change any of my answers even though I saw I got one wrong. I am sorry I won't do it again".

Mrs Brown is the only teacher that each one of the Baker children had. By the time John got to Mrs Brown's class my parents joked that they were old hats at it and could get straight Os (WCCS version of an A - O = outstanding). 

I am sure that many people remember their early teachers fondly. Maybe that is because no one fails an 8 year old or there wasn't any real work to be done (unless you are Kristen and Spelling... Kristen and Spelling are mortal enemies). But the teachers that were hired at WCCS were truly exceptional and I feel blessed that I got to be their student.

My dream church

I want to go to church with the people who have tattoos. I want to go to church with people who have gauged ears, nose rings, lip rings, and wear chains. I want to go to a church with ex-cons, current cons, and future cons.

I want to go to church with people who fake tan, get their nails done, and color the crap out of their hair. I want to go to church with bikers and those immersed in the drug world. I want to go to church with Catholics, baptists, presbyterian, lutherans, mormons, ex wiccans, wiccans, buddhists, hindus, Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (in laymans terms Pastafarians), agnostics, atheists, and those that just needed somewhere warm to sit for an hour.

I want to go to a church with Soccer moms, stay at home dads, work-a-holics, alcoholics, drug addicts and prostitutes. I want to go to church with families that have a mom, dad, 2 and a half kids and a dog. I want to go to church with single moms, single dads, baby mommas, and baby daddys.

I want to go to a church where people struggle. Where everyone knows that everyone struggles. I want to go to a church that people say Hi to new people who come through the door and then get their life story. I want to go to church with Republicans, Democrats, Green Party, Torys, people who don't care about politics, and people who care waaaaayyy to much.

I want to go to a church where people don't leave after sermon, they ask how people are doing and get support for their own problems. I want to go to church with anorexics, bulemics, over eaters, under eaters, health nuts, gym nazis, vegetarians, carnivores, omnivores, vegans, and gluten frees.

I want to go to church with homosexuals, bi-sexuals, asexuals, sex addicts, transgendered, hermaphrodites, and those that just don't know who or what they are. I want to go to church with people in their 20s who want to change the world. Those in their 30s, 40s, and 50s who are changing the world. Those in the 60s+ who have stories and lessons to be shared about how they did change the world.

I want to go to a church with people filled with joy, despair, happiness, generosity, charity, grace, anger, peace, frustration, hurt, sarcasm, hate, hope, and maybe someone with all of those at once. I want to go to church with people who are rich, poor, just making do, on food stamps, work 3 jobs to pay rent, and those that are living off inheritance.

My dream church has pastors that share their real life struggles. Tells the hard truth about life, love, marriage, job hunting, money, and being a christian and what it means  - all without using vague euphemisms.

I want a church that scares the world, gives hope to the world, and comforts the world.

I want to worship next to the broken and sing praises with the redeemed.

I want to go to church with me.

My dream church leaves all the doors wide open. Does not support causes but supports people. Stands in the face of adversity, not with demonstrations but with compassion. But most of all my church LOVES UNCONDITIONALLY.

Anticipation

I go alot of places and do a lot of things. I travel almost constantly and I have pushed myself to where I can do activities by myself. My life is very very full and yet, I am waiting. Not waiting patiently. O good grief no. I am waiting like a little kid the night before christmas. I am all wound up. The thing is... I really don't know what I am waiting for. I am waiting eagerly.  I just know that something is coming and I can't wait to experience it.

Maybe I just enjoy life

One down - 3 to go!

I JUST PAID OFF ONE OF MY STUDENT LOANS!!!

Every paycheck I have gotten for the past three years has had $50 taken out of it and used in an Employee Stock Purchasing Plan (or an ESPP). Once I started the Total Money Makeover (TMMO), I stopped contributing to that plan and decided to sell what stock I could (you have to hold it for 60ish days in my company before you can sell stock that you purchased) and use that to pay some of my student debt. I was planning on doing that in April 2013 anyway because I would have had enough in the account to pay of my largest student loan.

I guess I should explain something about why I was putting the money into an ESPP instead of paying directly against the principal. A) AES SUCKS... that is American Education Services. If you are thinking about getting a loan through them... just don't. When I first graduated college and was working at Applebees I wanted to pay down the principal of my loan therefore reducing the time it would take for me to pay off the loan AND reduce the amount of interest (aka extra money) that I would be paying them over the life of the loans. This is was a LOOONG  drawn out conversation with them with people who didn't understand loans or lending. One lady even said that I couldn't pay against the principal. Ummmmm no. It's law that I can and it would be stupid to say that I can't anyway. You are getting your money back FASTER!! Finally after multiple phone calls over a two month period I gave up and decided just to save it up and pay a loan all at once.

Worst company ever!!! Except for comcast

Which brings me to B) I get 15% extra from my company to buy my company's stock. So say I want to put in $100 to buy some stock. Technically they give me a discount and make the stock worth 15% less but in reality I am still wanting to buy $100 of my stock so they throw an extra $15 on there and I end up owning $115 worth of TE stock. So the extra 15% is greater than my interest rate on the loans but in the end it probably all evens out because of stock market fluctuations.

Under the TMMO, it is suggested that you pay off the smallest loans first that way you see results faster. Then you take the amount you were putting towards that loan (both the minimum and whatever else you were paying) and put it towards the next biggest loan. Then when that loan is paid off you put whatever you were paying to the two smallest loans to the next smallest and so on and so forth.

Anyway I sold my ESPP shares and got back a HUGE check (at least, huge by my standards). I paid of the second smallest student loan because it had the higher interest rate. And put almost a third of the check into savings to go towards paying off the smallest loan. I am hoping that with the money I have already saved up, the portion of the ESPP I have saved, along with future savings I will be able to pay off the second smallest loan in about 3 months :D. And that isn't even considering the money I save on groceries and gas when I am on audit. :D

ONE DOWN THREE MORE LEFT TO GO!!!!

Neverland

My best friend and I are watching Hook on a very relaxing Sunday afternoon (during which I should be studying... only 10 more minutes I promise). When I was growing up my sister LOVED Peter Pan and I think that of all of us Baker kids she was the one who understood the beauty behind Neverland. The ability to never grow up.

I never wanted to be Peter Pan. Katie did. She loved the idea of flying and having adventures. Swimming with mermaids and fighting Pirates. I was content with being a lost boy or, even better, Tiger Lily (never Wendy or Tink, Wendy seemed too whiney and Tink was a bit of a b-*-t-c-h). Now as I watch Hook I see even more clearly how anxious I am to grow up.

My family has an unusual ability to remain young. Not young physically but in the heart. What comes easily to my family, I sometimes need to work harder at. Ever since I have been young I could not WAIT to grow up.  I wanted to go to high school and when I was in high school I couldn't wait until College and in College I dreamed of settling down with the right guy and having a couple of kids.

In watching Hook I have the desire to fly to the second star to the right, continue on til morning, and see what adventures I could have. I think that my desire to remain young has transferred itself. Since I can't go to Neverland, I go to Barcelona, London, and Argentina. But I do grow up, or at least old. Hopefully I can embrace my dad's motto. No, not "Ask for forgiveness not for permission" but "They can make me grow old, but they can't make me grow up".

Who wants to go play kick the can?

"To live... to live is an awfully big great adventure"

Lessons from Coach Mag

When I was younger I was on the community summer swim team. It was a big thing to do in my area. I loved being on swim team... well actually I liked going to swim meets and competing. I wasn't so big on the practicing portion of it all. For many years on the LMT swim team, us alligators and crocs (teams) had an amazing head coach called Coach Mag. He was an awesome coach and it isn't recently that I have really understood the influence he had on my life.

My family joined LMT when I was around 6. I can remember my first day of Swim team, not very well but enough. There were kids just as small as I was sitting on our stretched out beach towels getting ready to do some "dry land" (exercises not done in the pool.... if you were on a swim team you hated dry land for the simple fact that you weren't in the water). I am sure my parents were somewhere very near by as I was a shy kid and wouldn't do anything without the safety net of family or friends. There was a very tall guy standing in front of everyone, watching us all lay out our beach towels on the ground. I shyly walked towards the group and the tall man in front. I tried to go to the back.

"SMALL CHICKIES IN THE FRONT!"

Several of us shyer ones slowly made our way to the front of the group. Kids ranging from 6 - 10, maybe 12. The older ones had already finished dry lands and were well on their way to finishing their laps for the day. The tall man with the funny safari hat grabbed me gently by my upper arms and lifted me to his eye level.

"Do you want to swim?"

I nodded.

"Do you want to be on the team?"

......... "I guess" I whispered

"It will be fun" he whispered and set me back down.

From that moment on my summers were made up of swim team and being at the pool.

Mom, Dad, and Baby John sitting with the Barnharts

during one of our meets, you can see the pool in the background

Coach Mag, at least in my mind, was a tall benevolent Giant that pushed for your best   - I was terrified of him haha

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT YOU CAN'T DO!!! TELL ME WHAT YOU CAN DO!!!"

This phrase was constantly being yelled from the side of the pool as we swam laps. It is something my family still says to this day. Ok it usually is something my mom says when we didn't want to do chores. It hasn't been until recently that I realized how he was trying to change our thinking. I couldn't swim a 100 fly (still can't btw... that stroke is hard! I never got the flutter kick down) but I could swim a 50 fly. And if I could swim a 50 fly, then I could swim another 50 fly.

Many times in my life I have had the can't do attitude. It's time that I took Coach Mag's lesson to heart and decide on what I can do. Because if I CAN pass the financial exam, then I CAN pass the Regulation exam and then the BEC exam. I can't exercise every morning, but I CAN exercise for 45 minutes at night.

So here I come. Time to tell the world what I CAN do.

PS Anyone know what happened to Coach Mag?